


The Parameters of Ghosts

by toluene



Category: Death Note
Genre: Alternate Ending, Gen, Series Spoilers, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2017-12-08 00:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 45,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/755061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toluene/pseuds/toluene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Light Yagami has defeated L. Everything is proceeding according to plan, until one night, the deceased detective reappears. Why does L continue to haunt him?</p><p>(Originally posted on FF.net)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Deletion

_"The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,_  
_Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit_  
_Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,_  
_Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it."_

― Edward FitzGerald

A lie was always easier to pull off when there was some amount of truth at the base of it. That was why Light Yagami permitted himself an expression of shock as the remaining life in the detective's eyes diminished; his eyes now permanently closed.

The shock was true on some level, yes. He had been waiting for this moment for ages, and some part of him had begun to think it would never happen. On a still more distant level, the part of him that had formerly worked with L to capture Kira, unaware of the death note and his real ambitions—the part he had used simply as a tool to defeat L and regain his rightful place as Kira—also felt shock at the loss of a friend. Light didn't acknowledge that part of himself, though. To him it was as good as dead the moment he grabbed the notebook back from L.

But he had planned meticulously, and L's death came as no surprise to him. Light had cleverly manipulated the settings and beings around him to produce this very outcome, and Rem had played her part nicely. It looked as if she had even thought to kill Watari, which was better than he had expected of her. And soon, now, the real God of this world would reign freely again.

Because right here, at this very moment, L was dead.

"Ryuzaki!...Ryuzaki!" Light shook L's shoulders.

He had to admit, it was strange knowing someone had just died in his arms. That it had been L, of all people.

"What's going on!?" cried one of the others as panic rooted itself in the rest of them.

Thinking it was an appropriate time to do so, Light let out a loud cry, inwardly pleased at how convincing it sounded.

"First Watari, then Ryuzaki... We're going to be next!" It wasn't hard for Light to keep his voice unsteady; the growing excitement inside him gave his voice the same quality fear would. To the others it would look as if Light was alarmed at the apparent death of L, and worried now about the uncertain outcome of their own lives.

An unsettling red glow bathed the room, and the words 'ALL DATA DELETED' were displayed on the computer screens. Aizawa had at some point fallen to the floor, and Matsuda crouched nearby, covering his head as if it would protect him from death, but all were staring in shared horror at L's lifeless body, bracing for their own seemingly imminent demise.

Inexplicably—after several minutes of agonizing length—they were all still alive.

Mogi was the first to say anything, stumbling a little over his words. "W-we should get an ambulance."

"...What about a family member?"

Soichiro spoke then, managing to keep his voice calm though he was clearly very distressed. "I can do it."

They all agreed in silence.

* * *

The rest of the team waited at the headquarters for Soichiro to return from the hospital. It had been two hours, and no one had spoken more than a sentence or two. All of them, besides Light, were wondering why they had been spared. Why had Kira, or whoever it was, not deemed their existence a threat, too? Or was it only a matter of time before they were disposed of? While they reflected over this, Light was thinking his own thoughts, inwardly pleased at how everything had turned out.

The grin that Light had shown L seconds before his death—surely the most unconcealed face Light had ever let him see—remained as excitement smoldering in the pit of his stomach; obscured, as all important things were, to the rest of the team.

The only one who had posed any danger, and indeed almost succeeded at defeating him on a few occasions, was, thanks to Rem, no longer a threat. In comparison, Aizawa, Matsuda, Mogi, and his father were going to be exceedingly easy to control.

_He had…_

_...he had won!_ The thought repeated over in his head. The feeling of triumph was intoxicating, and Light savored every second of it. There would be no more obstacles with L gone—at least, nothing that Kira couldn't handle. Anyone else who objected Kira's method of judgment wouldn't be able to put up as tough of a battle as L had. It would be so easy now.

_He had won he had won—_

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of the elevator doors sliding open. His father entered, fists held at his sides. The grave expression on his face implied only one answer.

"Ryuzaki is dead."

Silence.

Light pounded his fists on the glass table in front of him, startling everyone else in the room. "Damn it!" he cursed, and stood up, fuming, and stormed past his father. "Damn _shinigami_ , where are you? You must know something about this!"

Light had seen Rem leave through the wall into the adjacent room, and figured that was probably where she had stayed hidden to write down the names. He opened up the room with the card key, and noticed right away what looked like a pile of sand on the tiled floor, with a death note half-buried in it.

Rem's death note. He needed to hide it before the others would see it. Again, he was glad that Rem had thought about this; since the room was never used the security cameras hadn't been turned on. She had been much smarter than Ryuk, in some ways. But caring for Misa, a human, had been foolish and had ultimately led to her undoing.

Light quickly lifted the notebook from the pile, the sandy substance falling from it. _Good_ , now that he had Rem's death note he didn't even need to use the original one. He stuffed it away, and then called out to the others. Before long they were all surrounding the anomalous pile on the floor.

"What is this? Sand?"

"The _shinigami_...?"

Light's head was turned downwards, his features shadowed by the artificial light above them. "Whatever happened here," Light began, "Whether it was a _shinigami_ , Kira, or someone else who did this, I will avenge Ryuzaki's death. We must solve this case, not only for him and Watari, but for all the victims. For everyone who has been affected."

His father placed a hand on his shoulder—proud as ever of his son's dedication, but just as equally concerned for his well-being.

"Light…"

Matsuda looked up from the pile, his face conflicted. "But if we do that, then we'll be killed too! Isn't this a warning to us?"

"You're free to leave the task force if you wish, Matsuda. All of us remaining here have stayed because we're willing to put our lives on the line."

Matsuda paled, and waved his hands, mortified. "I know that! I mean, of course I'll stay, but..."

"Light's right," Aizawa declared, unwavering. "We've already chosen to put our lives at risk. We can't back out now."

* * *

It was dark outside; the first night after L's death. Light stood atop the building of the investigation headquarters. Earlier that day, though it seemed so far away now, L had stood on the same roof listening to imaginary bells playing in the downpour. The rain had cleared out since then, but heavy clouds continued to roll past, illuminated by the moon above and by the city below.

It was cool out, but Light ignored the chill he felt as he looked out at the vast city surrounding him. Gusts of wind whipped at him, sending his hair in every direction, while Ryuk stood somewhere behind him. The _shinigami_ had wandered from Misa temporarily in order to speak with Light, although Misa was technically the human Ryuk was attached to now.

Light's expression was contemplative as he watched the city. He thought about how odd L had acted up here before his death. He had seemed… sad, somehow. Almost as if in some way he had been expecting his death soon; had realized defeat but would never surrender. He would have been too stubborn to do something like that.

The two fake death note rules had eliminated L's advantage, turning the tables on him and clearing Misa and Light from guilt long enough for Light to make his final move against L. The length of time it had taken to find Higuchi had given Light's memory-less self time to make L and the others trust him, and even if he was never trusted completely, it had been enough to make L slip and let Light get a hold of the death note. That had been L's fatal mistake. Not that L had had any way of knowing about the ownership of death notes.

It might not have been fair, but the best battles were never fought fairly, and Light assured himself that L deserved to lose. L had been asking for it from the start by challenging someone with abilities akin to a god who would punish all those who defied him. L's way of justice had been wrong, and in the new world Kira's more righteous way of judgment would prevail.

Nonetheless, it was strange knowing that L was really gone. It still amazed Light, sometimes, how easy it was to kill. How the simple stopping of a heart was enough to end a human life. The simple writing of a name. Light blinked, and for a brief moment saw L again in his arms as his life slowly left him. He blinked again, and saw the city.

What had it felt like for L to die?

In his final moments L's eyes had focused on his; as if searching for an answer from Light. And Light had given one to him. His unmasked grin had said it all. Light was Kira. L's instinct hadn't been wrong, but in spite of that he had lost, and would never get a chance to know the results of Kira's reign. And with that, Light's greatest obstacle had been eliminated.

There was one thing that still bothered Light, though. He had been somewhat curious to see what L's true name was, even if it was of little importance now that he was dead. But when Light finally found the chance to look at Rem's notebook later that day, there had been no names at all to be found in it. Not even a stray mark of ink.

"Ryuk," Light said suddenly. "Why aren't there any names written in Rem's death note, when she has clearly used it?"

"Huh?" Ryuk looked away from the skyline to Light, apparently surprised by the question. "Oh. Well I haven't exactly been around many _shinigami_ when they die, but I think that when it does happen, all the names that the _shinigami_ had previously written disappear from the notebook." A claw rose to his irregular chin, and he added as an afterthought, "All the humans remain dead, of course."

Light had figured as much, but it still bothered him a little that he couldn't even know L's true identity. And Watari had managed to get rid of all the information pertaining to him before dying... He still knew nothing relevant about the man behind the enigma known as L. And now he probably never would.

"So Light, L is really finished? Won't it be boring around here now?" There was a glint in Ryuk's eye now, a look of private amusement. It always gave him a kick to remind Light that he could write Light's name in his own death note at any time. Light had for the most part learned to ignore him when he got that way.

"No, not at all," Light answered, still focused on the city before him. "There's still so much left to do. Now that L is finally gone, I can show you the creation of a new world." He turned towards Ryuk, revealing a glint in his own eyes; the expression he often wore when overcome with righteousness and ambition. "Besides, there are a lot of people out there who remain against Kira. I'm sure there will be more battles for you to witness."

Ryuk chuckled in his bizarre laughter. "To tell you the truth, I'm kinda glad to be back in the human world. Apples in the _shinigami_ realm taste even more terrible now that I've gotten used to the ones here."

* * *

As Light was drifting off towards sleep, he realized there was something missing from this usual routine. Something he hadn't given much thought to yet, but its absence had become only too apparent now.

The feeling of being watched.

No longer would he have to be aware of L constantly analyzing him, dissecting his every movement, and watching through the cameras. No longer would he have to pretend not to notice L's sharp and cutting gaze as Light played the part of an innocent suspect. No longer would he need to worry about making even the slightest error in front of the meticulous, ever-observant detective.

He rolled over to his side, and let out a sigh; out of weariness, perhaps, or relief.

No longer...

The intense high he'd felt today had processed into something else and left behind an unfamiliar sense of absence, one that he couldn't quite place. L's death... it had seemed so perfect before, but right now it felt inadequate, somehow. It was as if by putting so much time and effort into defeating L, directing all his energy towards it, he could never feel completely satisfied once it was finally achieved. All the effort that had been put forth for something that had been so easy to do, in the end.

_Won't it be boring now?_ Ryuk had said.

Light turned over again, feeling more awake now, though he was exhausted from the day's events. Darkness had a strange ability to expose insecurities that at all other times seemed foolish. He hated to admit it, but perhaps it was because had become too used to the feeling of being watched that it felt so strange without it right now. What should have been a welcome absence instead just felt like absence. Maybe in the days with his memories gone, he had even confused being watched with being watched over, and that was why it felt so uncomfortable for him.

But what did he have to be afraid of? He had no fear of demons hiding in shadows (he was only too accustomed to one of those). No, it wasn't even fear, exactly. Maybe it was the comprehension that with L gone—the only one who had thought on his level, who had in some way understood him even through all the layers of disguise—he was now truly alone in this. He could never turn back from what he'd done.

Even after all these months spent as Kira, the truth of what he did was something he still reflected on at times. Criminals or not, he had taken on a large responsibility as Kira, and it was only natural to have some misgivings about killing other humans once in a while.

But that was a small price to pay for being a God.


	2. Restitution

_"Thought I saw blood turn to wine_  
_A vision from the angel wars_  
_Didn't think I'd find the Saviour in the dark"_

―  _Dead Heaven_

Over a week had passed since the deaths of L and Watari had occurred. It couldn't be said if the days went quickly or dragged on; it was a little of both. A lot needed to be done, and obligatory formalities were dealt with—namely L's funeral.

It had been small, of course, hardly to be called a funeral at that. Excluding the task force, no one was even aware that it took place. For their own safety, only they could know who rested underneath that grave.

The sunset had radiated with burning red and gold hues, smoldering the graveyard in colors too warm for the ordinarily dismal area. They had all stood around the carved stone marking L's final resting place, and solemnly paid their last respects, promising L they would avenge him and bring Kira to justice. Afterward, Light had remained a moment by himself, externally sullen. Internally, Kira had rejoiced.

Needless to say, they were all glad to get such matters over with. No one liked to be reminded of their own mortality, and they had witnessed that even the world's greatest detective was not excluded from this irreversible event. Death was only natural, but people would always try to fight against it, and seek to prolong its arrival. Or at least ignore it, if they could.

* * *

The investigation headquarters was as of yet unchanged, but a growing weariness hung over them in the overly expansive building.

The question remained, what was to be done next?

Light, with his aptitude for computers, had managed to restore the basic functionality of the systems, and had figured out how to construct the scrambled voice that L had used. With these problems solved, it looked as if they could go on with the idea of pretending that L was still running the investigation. It was the only choice they had if they wanted to capture Kira, because if the NPA found out L was dead—murdered, to be exact—then there was no possibility that the investigation would be allowed to continue, as small as it already was.

As for who would be taking over L's position, there was no question about it. The team agreed unanimously that only Light could take L's place.

Light pretended hesitation at their request, but when they weren't looking, a brief smile had passed over his face. _Easy, as usual. No more bothersome setbacks with L gone_.

A few suggestions here and there and he'd convinced them where instead to run the investigation; in an apartment that Light would rent by himself. He was old enough to move out now, he explained, and it would be easier there to take over L and Watari's roles if he was away from the distractions of the rest of his family.

* * *

It didn't take long to find a place; a modern two-story apartment large enough to hold all the necessary equipment for the investigation—and soon everything was moved in and organized. The equipment was set up on the second floor, where headquarters would now be, leaving the downstairs for living purposes: two bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room, and bathroom. All in all, it looked to be the perfect place to continue the pursuit of Kira—or, for Light, the perfect place to carry on with his responsibilities as Kira.

Currently, Light was standing near the window in the living room, with Misa by him. It had been storming on and off all day, but that didn't stop Misa from being in a good mood.

"Yay, Light! I'm so happy we can live together now!" she squealed in excitement. "Finally some real privacy."

Light was silent, looking at the unfamiliar scenery outside. He could tell the sun was setting only by the fact that while the storm hadn't grown any stronger, the sky was steadily getting darker.

"…But," she went on, staring up at him with a pout, "why can't we share the same room, Light?"

"Misa, it wouldn't be right for us to share the same room until after we're married." He watched as small water droplets formed and slid down the glass.

"Wha…?" Misa, at the mention of matrimony, stared in wonder at Light. "So we're going to get married?" Her shining eyes anticipated his answer.

"Yeah, when the time is right." He kept the answer purposely vague.

"Yay!" The ever-stylish idol squealed as she embraced Light tightly. It was mostly a one-sided embrace, but she was used to those with him. "Misa and Light will be married!" In the background, Ryuk chuckled. After a moment she straightened up and furrowed her eyes in determination. "Don't worry, I can wait to share a room with Light until then. Misa is patient." She grinned charmingly.

Light nodded vaguely in response, not taking his focus away from the window. He had other things on his mind.

The rest of the task force had left for the day. They were all taking a break after getting everything moved into the new headquarters, though they took these little as possible. For them, Kira was still very much a threat to the world, and every day was crucial. They had to tell themselves that there would be a day when he could be stopped once and for all, that it was only a matter of _when_ it would happen and not _if_. Because if they never caught Kira… Well, they would never start thinking like that. As long as they were all here they would continue to pursue him. They couldn't afford to give up hope.

_Not yet, anyway_ , thought Light.

But it wasn't any concern to him whether they chose to continue or not. He could lead them in circles until their feet wore down to bone, and they wouldn't be any closer to catching him. And if they did manage to find some reason for suspicion, as L had, he could get rid of them, too. His father, even, if it came to that, would be worth eliminating. Light had decided long ago that in order to reach his goal he would need to be able to sacrifice anything and anyone that tried to stop him. It was the only way, if he was going to make the world a better place. Thankfully, he doubted he would ever have to resort to anything like killing his own family.

If things continued as planned, then eventually, maybe years from now, he would be able to reveal himself to his father without any fear of being condemned by him. Who knows, maybe he would even be proud of Light once he finally understood him. It was always a possibility, and the same went for the other investigation members. Even now, Light thought, Matsuda showed signs of agreeing with Kira on certain things.

Ideally it was only a matter of time before they would resign themselves to Kira's way of justice. Until then, Light would have to keep his identity hidden, which wouldn't be difficult. He had been given the option to eliminate the waste of humankind, to become a protector of civilization against itself, with virtually no way for his actions to be traced back to him. No one knew who he was, or even what he was, but everyone knew that he existed. And already, many worshiped him for his actions.

Light never regretted picking up that strange black notebook that had fallen from the sky on that day. Out of everyone existing on the planet, it had been _he_  who had found the death note. It was he who would shape the world with it. The circumstances leading up to this point were such that if there were really were other gods besides the _shinigami_ , they were on his side. And if it was all just due to luck, well, it didn't matter. He was grateful either way.

He had been given a means to correct the world, and he wouldn't let anyone stop him.

* * *

Light awoke with the feeling that something wasn't quite right. He shifted over to his other side, moving the tangle of covers away in order to see the time.

2:00 a.m. He sighed, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. But as he brought his hand back from his face, something pale caught the corner of his vision, and when he turned to look at it he froze.

There, sitting on a chair several feet away from him, was L.

As Light's eyes focused on the sight before him, he saw that L was staring back at him, his eyes unmistakably dark and knowing. Faint city light streamed through the window blinds, illuminating the room in dim hues, and L's form seemed to faintly glow in it.

_No,_ Light laughed to himself, _this wasn't real_. This had to be a dream, or a persistent remnant of one. He closed his eyes, and tried to shut out the images of the former detective—his unkempt hair, strange sitting posture, his toes clenching and unclenching as an interesting, or perhaps dangerous, thought occupied his mind.

_His dark, sleep-deprived eyes. Staring. Knowing._

A horrible unease began to creep over Light that it wasn't just a dream. Despite how irrational it was to think that L could be here in his room, Light could finally bear it no longer and opened his eyes to prove once and for all that he had just been imagining things, and the ominous dread he felt was unfounded.

2:04 a.m. L was still watching him.

Light's eyes widened in alarm. L was still there, there was no denying it. Was he really dreaming, then? It felt nothing at all like one, but it was the only way he could explain it.

Hesitantly, Light sat up, and then—with even more hesitance—he spoke to the phantom visitor.

"L…?" It was barely a whisper, but it cut clearly through the silence of the room. There was no reply, but he thought he saw L's eyes flicker. Or was he just imagining that, too? "L," he began again, contrary to the sanity in him, "…why are you here?"

To Light's astonishment, L responded.

"You know the reason why, Light Yagami." An unnatural grin spread across his face, his gaze meeting Light's, and Light felt like he knew L's next words even before he said them.

_I'm here to haunt you._


	3. Instigator

_"But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,_  
_That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour._  
_Nothing farther then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered—_  
_Till I scarcely more than muttered 'Other friends have flown before—_  
_On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before.'_  
_Then the bird said, 'Nevermore.'"_

This couldn't be happening.

_L_ _was dead. L was nothing._

And L had just spoken to him.

It was one thing to vividly hallucinate seeing something, but to hear it speak at the same time as well? Light was only human, whether he liked it or not, but he felt reasonably secure in the fact that he was not going insane. He took a slow breath, and forced himself to try and think clearly about this.

Light had heard stories before about people losing someone they knew well, such as a parent or a sibling or a spouse. It wasn't all that uncommon for them to report seeing the deceased person, or even hear them speak, afterward. Their minds were so accustomed to the person's presence that they would unwillingly invent their own images of the person who had died. Light had been forced to be around L for so long that maybe it wasn't surprising that this was happening. It could just be his mind inventing it all, like a phantom limb creating sensations that were no longer there.

If this was an illusion, it wouldn't last long.

"You can't be here right now. You're _dead_." Light had watched it happen, watched as one of the very processes that kept L alive had ultimately betrayed him. Every heartbeat was one tick closer to death; the death note had only shortened that process.

"Clearly," L replied, in a manner not far from amusement. He lifted his hands from his knees, inspecting them as if he were checking to be sure they were still there, then moved them back. As far as Light could tell, he looked normal, though his pallid skin gave off an eerie phosphorescence in the darkness of the room.

"Honestly, I'm just as surprised as you are." L placed a finger on his lower lip, his eyes drifting upward in thought, as he had done so often when alive. "This is all so confusing for me. It's not every day I get to die." He stared pointedly at Light. "I was joking when I said I'm here to haunt you, but perhaps that's what this is. Maybe I really am a ghost."

"A ghost?" Light considered this idea. He generally wasn't one for believing in the supernatural, and he had incorporated into his thinking as logically as he could the existence of _shinigami_. Was it so far a jump to include ghosts, too?

"I suppose that could make sense, if you're not just part of my mind. It would explain what you are, but not _why_ you are." He smirked slightly and added, "The typical unfinished business preventing you from a peaceful afterlife?" _Here to haunt the human who did wrong to you?_

"No, to the second part of what you said anyway. I don't believe in the afterlife, so whatever this is, it must be temporary."

Light stared in disbelief at L. How could he say that after just arguing that he might be a ghost, and was therefore existing _after_ death?

Although that wasn't far from Light's own beliefs, as well. Maybe the only permanence after death _was_ nothingness, and anything else was just an abnormality. Light had always mistrusted the idea of heaven and hell, to him creations that humans made up for comfort when they saw no justice in the world. He had no need for false reassurances when he could hold the real thing; when he could control justice—and better yet, _become_ Justice—with the simple sweep of his hand. If there was no heaven he could create one, on the very world that he would then call his own.

"It's odd," L broke off his thoughts, "but I only seem to be aware of myself at random, such as now. And when I am conscious, if that's what you call it, I can't control where I'll appear." He seemed to be trying to make sense of this as much as Light was.

"You've appeared before this?" Light asked.

"Twice. Once at headquarters, once by my grave. You were there both times."*

A troubled look formed across Light's features. What did all this mean? It was going on too long for it to just be an illusion... Light hoped for his own sake that it was all just a dream.

"Don't worry, Ryuzaki. We can solve this, for whatever reason it's happening. Even if it turns out that I am just imagining this, which is likely the case." He reflexively answered in the tone he used so often with the others; not thinking about how his innocent-from-blame charade would apply no longer with the detective. Surely enough, L picked up on the pretense.

"By the way, Light, I don't think there's any need for show with me anymore. There's no doubt that you're Kira."

And then Light saw it in L's face—the look that he somehow had won; a childlike smugness at being right. A surge of anger welled up in Light, but he felt a nervous excitement too, for the fact that his greatest rival would now know the truth about him.

But... he also _wanted_ L to know who he was. He had spent so much time keeping his identity to himself (besides the _shinigami_ and Misa, but they were irrelevant), and to tell the truth to the one who had been his most dangerous adversary _without_ being in mortal danger for it might be... satisfying, in a way.

"Fine," Light agreed coolly.

L's eyes widened a fraction, as if he hadn't expected Light to admit his guilt so easily.

"…But don't call me Kira. I didn't decide on that name in the first place."

L quickly recovered from his surprise. "What would you prefer?"— _God?_ —"There are dozens of names to call people like you, and they all suffice."

" _I'm not a mur-,_ " he paused, realizing how used he had become to denying L's accusations, and rethought his statement. "I don't like being what I am, but somebody has to do it. No… I'm the _only_ one who can do it."

L's eyes narrowed a fraction. "Just what the world needs, another egotistical mass murderer."

"Shut up!" Light retorted, removing his mask of calmness. Whether he was alive or dead, real or imaginary, L could really piss him off. It had hardly been ten minutes and already they were at each others throats. "See, this is why I had to get rid of you in the first place. If everyone like you would just understand the sacrifices I've made, understand that they _needed_ to be taken…"

"For what, the greater good? How idealistic of you."

"The world _is_ changing. Soon it will accept Kira for what he is." Light leaned back, letting an air of importance grow about him. "The world will be rid of all the pointless violence and wars, and people will finally be able to move forward again. They won't have to be so afraid of each other anymore."

L stared at Light, and Light challenged him with his gaze. If L had just been able to imagine what Kira's thoughts were like before this, then what Light was saying now would finally give him proof to his suspicions about Kira's way of thinking.

"The problem with that is not the goal you speak of, but your means for attaining it. It's all wrong. No one has a privileged perspective in determining who is good and who is evil. You can't decide on punishment using such vague principles. If what Kira does is dispose of garbage, then he might as well write down every human's name."

"Not if I specify the definitions of those 'vague principles', which I have."

"That still doesn't make it anything more than a belief. What makes your opinion better than anyone else's?"

"I have the death note." He was aware of how arrogant he was beginning to sound, but he didn't care. "Besides, anyone else in my place would only use the notebook's power for selfish things like personal gain."

"Ah," L said, as if comprehending. "So you use it instead to ruin the world."

"I'm correcting it!" Light shouted at him. "You of all people should be aware of how vile this world is. I look around and all I see is humanity spiraling downward. I just want to save it."

"I just don't see how that will work with your method. If it's in human nature to be violent and greedy, what you're doing only masks the problem, it doesn't solve it."

"Isn't that all the current justice system is doing? Kira is exceedingly more effective in comparison."

"Kira is not more effective if what he does—no, what _you_ do, is so far outside of the law. The justice system may have its flaws, but at least everyone can have their say and agree upon it, or if not, think of ways to improve it. With you, it's either obey your standards or be killed… But in any case, people always find ways to adapt. How long do you think it will take before criminals figure out a way around you?"

"L, there was always a chance that what I chose to do wouldn't work, but I had to do _something._ Even if the risk of failure was great, I had to take it."

The former detective seemed to be thinking, piecing something together.

"Is that what made you kill a second time with the death note, after what I assume was first only curiosity?"

Light closed his eyes, sighing inwardly, and realized suddenly how heavy his eyelids were. Anger was too hard to keep up at such a late hour, and they weren't getting anywhere with this conversation.

"This arguing is pointless, L. What can you do against me when you're not even alive anymore?"

"Nothing besides what I am doing." L was good at keeping his expression unreadable when he wanted to, but after all the time spent next to the detective, Light could tell how much it bothered him that he was no longer the one in control. _Good, he deserved it._

The room fell into silence. L unexpectedly rose from the chair and moved to the nearest window, not far from the bed. Light watched as he shuffled across the carpet—still distrustful of himself that L was actually here. _Okay, so he didn't seem to be transparent, didn't float across the floor, and definitely still had feet._ If he really was a ghost, he didn't fit the image of one at all. Not that there were any examples to go from besides the cliché of floating, translucent-white forms wailing in creaky old houses at night. Part of him wanted to reach out his hand to see if it would pass through L, but he decided against it. He'd had just about all he could handle of anything ghost-related for one night. He just wanted L to leave him alone so he could get some sleep. Or wake up, if he was dreaming.

Through the window, the clouds had cleared out completely, and the sky was beginning to show the precursors of the coming day. L remained facing away from Light, apparently transfixed by the view outside.

"Do you want to know what it was like for me to die?"

Light stared in surprise at L, not expecting such a question from him. He wasn't sure how to answer.

"It's funny," L continued without waiting for a response, "but my last thought, after the thoughts about being right that you were Kira, that I wasn't wrong… my last thought wasn't anything to do with the investigation." His voice was softer now, contrasting the detached monotone he so often used. Even standing, he reflexively hunched his stature. "What I remember last was disappointment, because I'd never get to visit my home again." His head lowered a fraction. "Such a foolish thing, but I guess things like that seem important when you're at your end."

"L…" He was still in surprise at the sudden change in the detective. "Look, I really am sorry that you had to die." Was he, really? Sometimes the words came so easily he forgot if they were the truth or not. "But could it have happened any other way? If you had lived, then it would be me in your place right now. You said yourself that Kira would likely receive no less than the death sentence."

Ignoring him, L moved back to the chair and re-assumed his sitting position, returning as abruptly as he had left. Not a trace of the strange somberness he had just shown could be read on him.

"I've also said that socks aren't worth the effort."

_...What?_ Light sighed, his expression turning to annoyance. "Really, th—"

"Light," he interrupted, "I'm actually not looking to argue with you right now. The truth is that we both dug ourselves in deep, and one of us had to pay for it. Maybe I'm here because the part of me that can't stand losing didn't want to give up, and will only be satisfied by the sight of your downfall."

"Heh, not looking to argue, and yet you say something like that."

"I'm just speculating. It could be something different. It's possible that there isn't any reason for me being here, but… I do feel like I am going to be in this condition for a while longer, until whatever it is that might be keeping me is resolved."

Light studied L carefully, considering him in silence. After a long moment he relaxed his shoulders, realizing they had been tense, and let out a small sigh.

"Well if that's the case, let's continue this later," Light said, making a show of holding back a yawn. "I'm exhausted." And it was the truth. It would be day again soon, and he would need to get some rest if he was going to attend to Kira-related matters before his father and the others would arrive.

"…Alright." L looked at him curiously. Light still remembered how difficult it had been when he was first handcuffed to L for the detective to accommodate to Light's normal human requirement of sleep, when the former had subsisted on three hours or less per day.

But he had to ask L one more thing first.

"L...?"

"Yes?"

"How will I know this wasn't just some dream when I wake up? Can't you do something to prove that you really are a ghost, and not just part of my mind?"

"Hmm," L briefly pondered. "Does it matter? Trying to prove my existence to you would be tedious. I don't think it would be worth the effort." He shifted around in the large chair, which was probably not cushioned enough for his tastes. The dead, it seemed, could also feel uncomfortable. Or they were just used to their old habits. "You'll just have to deal with matters of sanity on your own."

Well that was helpful. Not that Light should have expected otherwise from L. He had killed him, after all.

Light lied back down, deciding it wasn't worth arguing over right now. But after a minute, he sighed again, still very much aware of the detective's presence, and looked once more at L.

"You're just going to stay here and watch me sleep? Can't you disappear or something?"

"I've got nowhere else to go. I'm not even sure that I can leave right now. Does it bother you?"

Light watched L for a moment, before looking away. "Whatever. It doesn't matter."

"Goodnight then, Light."

"...Goodnight." Light turned to his other side so his back was to L, and didn't say anything more.

Despite how tired Light felt, his mind spun a multitude of thoughts, going through all that had just happened. L's appearance like this... Light hadn't been this shocked since the time the _shinigami_ had first appeared to him on that night, so many nights ago. Whether he was dreaming this or not, it felt real, and that was something in itself. But ghost or dream, he wouldn't let L try to distract him from his duties as Kira. Annoyance stirred in him at the thought of the detective still trying to best him, even after being plainly defeated.

But it didn't matter. L couldn't do anything in his current state, not really. He was dead, after all, and the world would be a very different place if the dead could actually affect the living. But if this wasn't just his imagination, then maybe Light could actually learn something about the enigma before he left once and for all.

_Sure, why not?_ This could be interesting while it lasted.

As Light drifted towards unconsciousness, he wondered vaguely why he didn't feel more troubled with L being there, why it didn't seem more ominous. Maybe because it was familiar, somehow. Or it really was all just a dream.

Whatever reason he decided was soon forgotten as, within moments, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The first appearance is a reference to episode 26 of the anime, when Light sees L sitting on the chair for a brief moment.


	4. Witching Hour

_"Mine eyes are made the fools o' th' other senses, or else worth all the rest."_

_— Macbeth_

The day passed like any other, at least on the outside. But throughout the day Light was occupied by thoughts of the former evening. Had he really dreamed it? The vivid quality of his memory of it made it difficult to simply put off as a dream, but if it wasn't just in his head, could he accept the other answer?

All the same, Light hadn't been thinking properly last night. If L visited again, he would have to think of some way to test whether he was only dreaming or not. He would find an answer to this, one way or another.

"Is something the matter, Light?" his father asked suddenly, interrupting his thoughts. The rest of the team was at the apartment, and they had been busy testing out the equipment. However, Light had been quieter than usual, and Soichiro had picked up on it.

"No, I've just been thinking," Light gave a nonchalant reply, not clarifying further.

Soichiro gave Light a sympathetic stare. "It'll take some getting used to, doing all this with L gone, won't it?" he said, misreading his son's behavior.

"...Yeah," Light answered.

"Taking over the role of the world's greatest detective won't be easy," Soichiro said. "But you'll do a great job. You already have been." He placed a reassuring hand on Light's shoulder, and gave him a smile that was meant to be encouraging, but managed to look more tired instead.

"Thanks, dad. I'll try my best to do what L would."

His father looked at him a moment, as if debating whether or not to say more, but then seemed to make up his mind. "Even if he would never admit it," he began, pausing briefly to decide on his words, "if L could see you now, I know he would be pleased with what you're doing to help this investigation."

He removed his hand from Light's shoulder, but his attention remained focused on his son.

"If anyone deserves his title, it's you."

* * *

"Ryuk, do you think its possible for ghosts to exist?" Light asked later, when he had finally gotten a moment alone. He had found the _shinigami_ in the kitchen, picking through the remaining apples. Ryuk had one raised to his mouth, about to eat it, but lowered it when he heard the question.

"Ha, I would never have expected to hear such a question from you, of all people, Light. Why do you ask?"

"It's just a question."

Ryuk thought it over a moment before he spoke. "You probably expect me to say of course not, that people don't go anywhere after they die; they just return to nothingness. And that's true enough. But I can't say for sure what happens in between the period of death and being nothingness," he said, tapping his finger on the apple. "If such things really do exist, though, I can't imagine they'd exist for very long. And I can say, as a _shinigami,_ that I've never seen one. But..." he added, "there are things in this world that even a _shinigami_ might miss."

"Interesting." So Ryuk didn't deny it outright, but didn't seem quick to confirm it either. "Well, either way, I have a favor to ask. Would you mind keeping an eye on my room for the next few nights?"

"Oh? What for?" Ryuk snickered, like he already expected what the answer would be.

"I thought I saw something very strange last night. I'd like to know if I was just dreaming it or not, if it happens again."

"Been seeing ghosts, then?"

Light hesitated. "Something like that," he answered vaguely, not wanting to reveal more than necessary about what had happened. The more he talked about it, the more he began to believe that it had only been a dream. It was foolish, to ask Ryuk this. But it was too late to take back his request now.

Ryuk laughed again, seeming to find the situation very funny. "Sure, Light. I guess I can do that," he agreed after he had recovered from his short laughing fit. "Can't promise you I'll see anything, though."

"That's fine, Ryuk. Honestly, I hope neither of us do." Light left the kitchen, leaving Ryuk to his apple.

If Ryuk did notice anything of of the ordinary, what would Light do? L, a ghost... he'd never expected a complication like that when using the death note. But even if it wasn't true, would he ever really be free of L's chains?

* * *

That night, Light slept without any disturbances. The next night, however, he awoke inexplicably around 2 a.m.— just as he had when L had first appeared to him. Sure enough, when he glanced at the chair nearby, it was occupied once more.

"You're back."

L was watching him, unblinking. "Yes, it appears that way."

Light sat up, and tried to ignore the grogginess he felt at being woken at such an hour. But what exactly caused him to wake up, in the first place? L was simply sitting there; he hadn't done anything to disturb him. Was L's presence alone really that strong to wake him?

"It would be nice if you could visit when I'm actually awake, instead of having to disturb my sleep schedule."

"Would you rather I visit when others are near?"

"Yeah, because then I'd know you were real if they could see you, too."

"And then I could tell them you were Kira. That would be nice, wouldn't it?" L said, then frowned. "It's too bad I can't control that type of thing..."

Light smiled. "Maybe it's better you can't, then." He suddenly remembered what he had asked Ryuk to do the other day, and he glanced about the room. He didn't see the _shinigami_ anywhere, but he could easily be watching from the shadows.

"What are you looking for?"

Damn. Still as astute as ever. "Just seeing if there aren't any other ghosts that have come to haunt me."

"Is there a _shinigami_ here?"

"No, only a stubborn detective that won't stay dead."

"You're funny, Light," L remarked, but his expression didn't change. He looked away from Light, his thoughts seemingly occupied by something. "I've been wondering what this place is, actually. Why are you here? You haven't left the task force, have you?"

"No, of course I haven't," Light responded, glad L had changed the subject. "The headquarters has just moved."

"Is that so?" L said, still staring away from him.

Did L really want him to say it? "You've already figured this, I'm sure, but... I'm taking over the role of L." Light watched his expression to see if it would change, but L didn't appear to give any sign that he'd heard him. "Everybody agreed on it—that it would be me," Light added, when L didn't respond.

"Of course they did," L answered after a moment. "That's to be expected. Even if you are Kira, you will no doubt make a wonderful L."

L was accepting this too easily. "...Aren't you mad?" Light asked.

L stared at his knees, his expression calm. "No. I don't deserve that right; I lost. Even when all the evidence pointed towards you, you still managed to defeat me. For that, I can't be angry. Not at you, anyway."

"I didn't exactly play fair."

"Neither did I. But you know that," L said, looking towards Light. "We had different beliefs, but I admit that it was nice knowing there was someone else out there who thought on my level. I'm glad I was able to fight against you." He held Light's gaze, unwavering. "But I have to wonder, if we could challenge each other again, who would win?"

Why did L bother saying things like that? It didn't matter how it could have happened; Light had won, in the end. However, if it would please L to answer him, then it might make it easier to get information out of him later on.

Light took a moment to form a response. "Who knows? You put me through some pretty excruciating experiences, L. I still remember the look on my father's face as he held a gun at me." He hesitated a moment. "But you're right, in a way. It was interesting knowing someone like you, even if we had to be enemies."

"We made good enemies," L agreed, smiling. And it was true, wasn't it? Light didn't have friends, not real ones, and neither did L. But as enemies, they had understood each other far better than they ever would have as friends.

"I've been thinking, L," Light began. "Couldn't you tell me some information that only you would know? Something that I wouldn't be able to come up with if I'm just inventing you in my mind?"

"I've already explained I don't want to do that. I know that I am here, and that's enough."

"But try to look at it from my perspective. Can't you just say one thing to prove to me that you're real? I'll be able to take this more seriously if I'm not wondering of it's just a dream all the time."

L hesitated. "I suppose..." He narrowed his brow in concentration, remaining in thought for several moments, before abruptly breaking the silence. "I'm an orphan. Quilsh Wammy—Watari—was the one who took me in and helped raise me."

Light sat up straighter, curious. "You're an orphan? Interesting... but I already know about the Wammy orphanages. I could have invented that on my own. What else?"

L scratched his head briefly, and shifted his legs around uncomfortably. Several minutes passed before L finally spoke again. "I'm no good at this, Light. Revealing secrets like that seems too counter-intuitive to me. Especially with you."

Light pretended to think for a moment. "Well, there is one thing I don't know that would be easy for you to say..." he trailed off, looking at L. But L remained silent, waiting for Light to continue. A brief smile passed across Light's face; it was strange that L hadn't guessed it yet. "Your name."

"My... name?" L asked, perplexed.

"What's the harm in it? It's not like I can use it against you anymore. It wouldn't take more than a second to say it."

"You don't know it yet? The _shinigami_ must have written it down—or do they not even need to write a name to kill?"

Oh, right. L wouldn't know about any of that. "No, they do. But it seems that when they die, all the names disappear from their notebook," Light said.

"The _shinigami_ _died_?" L stared at him in even more confusion.

"Yes. Rem died because she used her notebook in order to save a human, when _shinigami_ exist to take life, not give it."

"They can die from that?" L looked amazed. "So she died to save you?"

"It was more for Misa's sake than mine. Rem was the one who brought the second notebook into the human world."

"...I see." L's eyes were wide in thought.

"So, will you tell me? What is your real name?"

L looked down uncertainly. His mood seemed to darken, after that. It was a long time before he finally answered.

"I don't want to say."

"But..." Light began.

"Even if I did tell you, it wouldn't prove my existence. It's impossible for you to find any information about me with my real name."

"Even so, I'd still like to know it."

L looked up, studying Light with an unreadable expression. "Perhaps another time. You're tired, Light. Get some sleep."

As if L would care whether he was tired or not. Light sighed, but he realized that L was right. He wouldn't be able to stay up very much longer, even if he wanted to. Besides, L didn't seem to be in a very responsive mood at the moment, so it was unlikely he'd get him to reveal anything else about himself.

"Alright," he agreed. "Another time."

Light hadn't noticed any sign of Ryuk that night, but hopefully he had just been hiding somewhere in the shadows. _Ryuk, you better not have forgotten,_ was his last thought before he drifted to unconsciousness.

* * *

"Morning, Light," Ryuk greeted the next morning as Light left his room. His grin was as unchanging as ever, but his voice carried a hint of amusement to it that caught Light's attention.

"Ryuk..." Light began, but didn't continue until he was certain Misa was still in her room. "Did you do what I asked?"

"Yeah. And I'm glad I did, too, because I got to witness something I'd never seen before."

Light's eyes widened. "So you saw...?"

Ryuk chuckled. "I almost missed it, too. It was so boring waiting around all night that I was about to leave to get a snack or play a video game. But just as I was leaving, I heard you say something, and when I turned around I saw..." Ryuk paused then, delaying his next words.

He was having too much fun with this. "Just say it already. What did you see?" Light spoke irritably.

"I saw _you_ , Light. You were sitting up on your bed, acting like there was someone else in the room. At first I thought you were talking to me, but I soon realized that wasn't it. You were speaking to someone else, just like you would a _shinigami_. Looked like you'd lost a few marbles, to be honest. Guess now I know what it'd look like to others if they saw you talking to me."

Light's eyes widened. "You're certain you saw no one else?"

"You were the only one I saw."

"So only I can see him, or..." Light trailed off, his brows furrowed in thought.

"Was it really L you were speaking to, Light?" Ryuk asked him curiously.

"I don't know. But this information makes it more unlikely that I'm just dreaming it, unless it's some form of sleepwalking. But if it really is L's ghost, then..." Light's eyes narrowed. "I'll have to find a way to get rid of him."

Ryuk snickered. "Getting rid of people is one thing, but how would you get rid of a ghost? Not like you can just write their name down."

Light crossed his arms in thought. "You said yourself that such a being probably wouldn't be able to exist for long. Maybe I won't have to do anything besides wait."

"Maybe," Ryuk laughed. "You'd know as much as I do about that type of thing. But either way, let me know how it goes. This sounds like it could be pretty interesting."

"Fine, but don't risk coming into my room anymore at night."

"Why not?"

"If he is a ghost, then who knows if the same rules apply to him. For all we know, he might be able to see any _shinigami_."

"But what's it matter if he sees me? Not like I can see him or anything."

"Exactly. Why bother if you can't even see or hear him?"

Ryuk thought a moment. "Alright, alright. I guess it'd get boring, getting to hear only half the conversation. I'll leave you alone. Just let me know what happens."

He would rather not have the Ryuk watching him, now that L knew for certain who Light really was. If he was going to get any information from L, he had a feeling it would be easier if L didn't think he was being watched by a _shinigami_ all the time.

But for now, Light pushed these thoughts aside. He had slept in later than usual, and his father and the rest of the team would be arriving soon, so he would have to hurry to be ready.

Every day, Light would play his role as L's successor, and every day he would be forced to remember him. There was no escaping that. But now, it seemed, he was going to be haunted by more than just L's memory.


	5. Liberation

" _You belong to a singular race. Every man is a suffering-machine and a happiness-machine combined."_

— _The Mysterious Stranger_

Light refrained from asking L about his name the next night he appeared, several days later, figuring it would only make L more hesitant to reveal it. Not that he was given much opportunity to ask; Light had hardly woken before L had begun asking him his own questions. Light knew one thing for certain: he wasn't going to get a good night's sleep that evening.

"So," L began, sitting in his usual position on the chair. "Can the _s_ _hinigami_ see me?"

It was just after two o'clock, and Light was still lying in his bed. If he could just sleep a little longer... But it was no use, L had already noticed he was awake.

L probably thought the blunt question would get some sort of reaction out of Light, but for once, Light wasn't shocked by his question. L, after all, had mentioned the _shinigami_ the previous time, seeming suspicious about it. He already knew that there was more than one _shinigami_ in the human world. And if Light was Kira again, then that would mean it was probably close by—would be L's line of thinking. But like anything else now, it wouldn't matter if he knew about Ryuk or not anymore. L no longer had any power in this world. He couldn't do anything to him. If he could, Light wouldn't be where he was right now, and neither would L.

Light took his time in answering, however. He stretched, and sat up slowly, as if he hadn't even noticed L, before finally looking over to him. L was watching him, his eyes wide and deceptively vacant of emotion, though Light thought he could read a hint of curiosity in them.

"I suppose there's no point in denying it," Light finally responded. "I already revealed to you that Rem was Misa's _shinigami_ originally. There is, of course, another _shinigami._ The one who dropped the first death note. He was here the last time you were—though I've asked him from now on not to disturb my room at night," Light explained to him. "And to answer your question, no, he couldn't see you."

L brought a hand up to his face, rubbing his bottom lip in thought with his thumb. "I had wondered that. _Shinigami_ do have some limitations then, don't they? Maybe their eyes only have use for the living, and not the dead. Or perhaps..." he removed his hand from his mouth, but didn't drop it completely, "if I can only appear to you, and no one else, then it is only _you_ that can see me." He said this last part slower, as if the thought had just occurred to him. "Maybe ghosts can only show themselves to the ones they haunt."

Light considered his words for a moment. "That makes it sound just as likely that you're only part of my mind."

"Hm. I suppose. Whichever is easier for you to believe," L said.

"They're both quite hard to believe, honestly."

"I'll agree with you on that point." L's lips curved up in slight amusement.

L... could he really only be imagining him right now? It would have been the most logical way to explain it, if Light had never before encountered beings like the _shinigami_. But since he knew that such creatures did exist, Light was hesitant to believe that L was only in his head. Ghosts and _shinigami,_ both appeared to be a part of the natural world. And once their reality became apparent, it became a way to logically explain his circumstances, even though belief in the supernatural was often equated with people who held irrational beliefs. Light had always been a logical person, and logically, when a _shinigami_ gave you its notebook, then _shinigami_ were no longer just a part of fiction. When a ghost visited you at night, then ghosts were no longer only a part of children's stories. In such cases, to deny the truth of the supernatural would itself be irrational. The only problem in the last case was that he didn't have concrete evidence yet of L's existence, like he did with the death note and the _shinigami_.

"I'm curious about something," L said, breaking the silence that had formed while Light considered these things. "How exactly did you come to posses the original death note?"

Light smirked. "I was wondering when you'd ask that." He couldn't deny that he enjoyed this, being able to tell L about such things without any consequences. No more would he need to hide behind the words ' _If I w_ _as_ _Kira._..' in order to say what his true thoughts were.

He leaned back against the headboard of the bed, crossing his arms in the process, and then closed his eyes. "It was on a day like any other. I was bored in class, when I happened to see something fall past the window." Light opened his eyes, staring ahead. He could feel L's gaze on him. "A black notebook."

"You saw it as it fell?" L returned his thumb to his mouth, interested.

Light nodded. "It was completely by chance. A _shinigami_ dropped it, hoping a human would find it. I didn't find that out until later, though. When I went to look after class, there it was, lying on the ground. No one besides me had noticed it. It could have been anyone else. But it was me."

"...How unfortunate for you."

"Unfortunate for you, perhaps," Light returned the words, but then shook his head. "No. You're glad I found it, too. Even if it was the death of you."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because it gave you something interesting to do. You'd never had a case like it before, and never would again—even if you had lived." L hadn't cared about the criminals being murdered, not really. He could say he had a sense of justice, but what he really enjoyed was solving puzzles. And Light had given him one unlike any other he would ever come across. _Who was Kira, and how did he kill?_ Finding the answer to this was what had really interested L, and stopping Kira had only been a bonus; not the primary motivation.

"Anything else would have been boring in comparison, is what you're saying." L hummed in thought. "Tell me, Light, is it the same for you, now?"

Light lifted his head, turning to look at at L. "What do you mean?"

"It must be so easy to accomplish what you want with me gone. But don't games become boring when they're so simple that you know you'll win?"

"Do you really think I would do all this—kill all those people—for a game?"

"I don't know. Would you?" Black eyes peered at him, as if they'd already decided what the answer was. A surge of anger went through Light at the implication of L's words, but he did his best to hide his irritation. If he reacted harshly to L, it would only serve to imply that there was some truth to his accusation. Which there wasn't.

"Of course not. Don't bother asking me something so foolish." He was nowhere near as low as L was. L's actions were selfish, while Light only acted to protect himself, and was otherwise selfless in his actions. Kira existed for the betterment of humanity. L existed only for himself.

L scrutinized him a moment longer, before turning his gaze away. "What about your memories? Were you only pretending to have no memory of being Kira?"

"No, I wasn't lying then. I really did forget everything," Light admitted. "That's one of the conditions when using the death note: if the person who uses it gives up or loses ownership of it, all memories related to the death note are lost with it. I just used that knowledge to my advantage."

"...Then I was right to think that was the case. So while you were in confinement, and afterward..." L trailed off, thinking in silence.

"It worked pretty well, didn't it?" A smug smile tugged at Light's lips.

"Yes, it was a good plan. Working with me to capture a false Kira, while proving your innocence at the same time. And naturally, once we found Kira, we would discover the death note and the false 13 day rule," L said. "And as for your memories, at some point you must have somehow..." L suddenly jerked his head up, eyes wide in realization "—the helicopter!"

L had made the connection without Light even having to say it. Light hadn't been surprised by the _shinigami_ on the night of Higuchi's capture. He had been surprised by his own self; by the truth of who he really was.

"...Was when I regained my memories," Light finished L's unsaid words.

L's shoulders slouched, and his mouth turned slightly downwards. "I let you get a hold of it."

"There was no way you could have known."

"I should have suspected something."

"It's too late to worry over it now."

"Even so..." he said, not far off from using a sulking voice.

"Don't mope, L. It doesn't suit you."

"I'm dead. It should be my right."

Which might have been true, but that didn't matter much to Light anyway. "Fine, mope all you want then. I'm sure it will help your situation."

L didn't answer him, and soon a heavy silence filled the room. Several minutes seemed to pass, before Light decided it had been long enough. He lied back down and turned so he was on his side, facing away from L _—_ who was currently staring glumly at nowhere in particular _—_ and then closed his eyes.

"What are you doing?" he heard L ask.

"Going to sleep."

That seemed to get L's attention. "Please don't. I'd like to ask you some more questions if that's alright."

"...Depends on what they are."

L's mood seemed to lighten, even though Light hadn't exactly given him a positive answer. "There is one other thing I've been wondering about. How did you manage to kill criminals while you were being monitored?"

Light turned to his other side, so he was facing L again. He didn't really think this was going to put L in a better mood, but he humored him anyway. "Heh, I'm rather proud of that one," he said, propping his head up with one arm. "Ryuk—the _shinigami—_ told me where all the cameras were. Knowing that, I bought a miniature TV. One small enough to fit in the palm of a hand. Or a bag of chips..."

L's eyes widened in realization. But instead of acting disgruntled about it, like Light had expected, he seemed almost pleased instead. "What a great trick," he remarked. "Rather risky of you, too. I doubt even I would have attempted that," he added, then furrowed his brow. "I knew I should have installed more cameras..."

"64 cameras was enough, if you ask me."

"I'm not so certain now..."

It continued like this for awhile longer—L would inquire about some thing or another; trying to fit the last stray pieces together. Just like he would have wanted to do if he were still alive. Was that all he wanted, then? He didn't really seem to care about making Light suffer, or didn't appear to, anyway—so was that what kept him here? The will to finish finding the truth about everything and complete the puzzle he had started?

Light suppressed a yawn. No matter what L's reason for being here was, all these questions were starting to tire him out. He was about to say so when L suddenly brought up something that was of interest to him.

"Light, I have thought of something I could tell you that might prove my existence to you."

Light lifted his head up. "What is it?"

"It's related to a previous case I worked on, not long before I started investigating the Kira murders," L continued, moving his toes absently while he spoke. "Have you heard of the Los Angeles BB Murders?"

Light thought it sounded familiar. "I think so. They occurred a few years ago, if I remember right."

L gave a short nod. "You should also remember the murderer. You wrote his name not long after you began killing criminals. His name was Beyond Birthday."

"I've written lots of names, L. But I think I do recall writing that one. What does it have to do with you?"

"I worked with an agent who was in LA at the time, who helped me solve that case. If I tell you her name, and it's correct, it should prove to you that I exist."

So this was what L had chosen to reveal to him? It seemed like an odd choice, out of anything he could have told him. Still, it might just work, however anticlimactic it was. Light could have the information in no time at all off the internet. "Alright. What's her name, then?"

"Naomi Misora."

Light became silent.

What was the real reason L had told him this? If he was bringing up her name, then he must have made the connection between Kira and her disappearance. But why take such a roundabout way to affirm if Light knew her? Why not just ask, 'Do you know what happened to Naomi Misora?' or 'Did you kill Penber's fiancée?'"

And if Misora really had worked with L on the BB Murder case, then it still wouldn't have proved anything about L's existence. It had been rather popular in the media at the time, so there was a chance that Light had already heard her name and just not consciously made the connection until now.

"That normally might have worked, L, but... I knew Naomi."

"Knew her? How?"

"I killed her. But you already assumed that, didn't you?"

"There was a small chance that you hadn't," L responded. "But yes, there was a high probability you had been connected to her disappearance."

"Why not just say it, then?"

"As far as I knew, Misora had only disappeared; no body had been found. And even though I was fairly certain Kira was related somehow, part of me wished that it hadn't been the case. Part of me had hoped..."

"Well now you have your answer."

"You said you knew her? You were acquainted before her death?"

"Briefly," Light said. "I happened to come across her at the reception desk at the NPA building. She said she had something she wanted to tell the task force directly, which caught my attention. I quickly realized that she knew too much, and so I had to dispose of her."

"But how? What information did she have about you?"

Light briefly explained to him the details about how he was able to get the information on the FBI agents from Penber, and told him how Misora had come to suspect that Penber had met Kira during the bus hijacking, and how she had correctly deduced that Kira could kill by means other than heart attacks.

"That's not surprising," L said. "Misora was very brilliant. To think she came that close to finding you..."

"I did have some trouble, at first," Light admitted. "She was smart enough not to give a stranger her real name. But I won her trust in the end."

"How did you manage that? The Misora I knew was a very cautious person."

"She was, that's for certain, but when I told her I was part of the task force working with L, she believed me. She said that the only one she really trusted was L, and that—" Light stopped, remembering the exact words Misora had used "—she said that I reminded her of you. When I asked her if she wanted to join the task force, she took the bait and revealed her true name."

L hadn't said anything yet, so Light continued. "I figured suicide would be a fitting death for her." A grin broke across his face. He could still remember it like yesterday. It had been a close call for Light, but Misora's elimination had been quite easy, in the end. "You should have seen the look on her face in that final moment, when I told her I was Kira."

Light was startled by the sudden sound of the chair falling on its side as L stumbled off of it. He braced himself for some sort of attack, but L just stood there, fists clenched at his sides. Light had been so caught up in his story that he had forgotten just who he was talking to, and hadn't realized until then how much his story had affected L, how obviously it had upset him.

"I had to kill her, L." _Just as I had to kill you._

"I know that well, Light. But never more than right now have I felt the urge to punch you." L wasn't looking at him, but Light could see the effort he was making to restrain himself.

"She was the one who chose to investigate Kira. She revealed her name, and that was her mistake. I had to protect myself." True, Light had killed Penber first, but she should have taken that as a warning not to pursue Kira. She deserved what she got.

"That may be. But I can't forgive you for what you did to Misora."

"Am I asking for your forgiveness? I don't want it, L, so don't bother trying to use that against me."

"I..." L trailed off. Light noticed that his hands were shaking.

Slowly, Light got up from his bed, and took a few steps forward until he was standing in front of the former detective, watching him closely all the while.

The detective looked just as real as he ever had when he was alive. His dark, sleepless eyes, and pale, slouching form remained as unchanged as the first day they had met. As if he had never been buried, his heart had never stopped, and his name had never been written in the death note. As if he really were here, right now; solid flesh and blood. As if Light could touch him, if he only stretched his arm out.

Light took a step closer, studying L. L's eyes were dark, cautioning him, but there was an unease in them, too.

"Then do it," Light said. "Hit me."

L held his gaze, but remained where he was, hands at his sides.

"Come on, do it, if that's what you want," Light pressed on. If L had been able to knock down a large chair, then couldn't he harm Light, too, if he wanted?

When L still didn't move, Light slowly lifted his arm, raising it up to L's face, but his hand hesitated a few inches away from it. What would happen, if he touched him? Light had wanted to know the answer since the first night L appeared, but something had prevented him from finding out until then. But right now...

Light's hand moved closer. Suddenly, L took a step back, watching Light for a final moment, before moving away and turning so his back was towards Light.

Light simply stared, arm hovering in the air where L had been. L lowered his head, shoulders slouching. He looked frail somehow, weaker than Light had remembered him. Light lowered his arm, and was about to say something, or move closer again, when L spoke, his back still facing towards him.

"L Lawliet."

"...What?" The words were strange, sounding foreign to Light's ears.

"That is my name. Goodbye, Light."

It took a moment for Light to register the words completely. "...W-wait!"

But L had moved into the shadows, and was gone.

Light stared for a minute, dumbfounded. He walked to the other end of the room, where L had headed only moments before, but saw no sign of him. He walked back to where the chair was and switched a nearby lamp on; momentarily blinded by its brightness, and then briefly searched the area again, but L was nowhere to be found. The room was eerily silent.

He returned to his bed and sat down on the edge of it, still in shock from L's sudden disappearance.

"L Lawliet..." He repeated the name slowly, staring at the fallen chair in front of him. "So that was your name...?"


	6. Apolune

" _And when it was all over I said to myself,  
is that all there is to a fire?"_

— _Is That All There Is?_

L didn't appear the next week. Or the next. Or the next. A month passed, and then another.

Six months went by, and still no sign of L.

Light had finally accepted that L was probably gone for good this time. He still wondered what exactly had triggered his disappearance—was it because he had revealed his name, or because of something else they had discussed? Or had he simply remained too long in this world, and finally gone to the place where everyone goes once they die?

Then there was the possible explanation that it had been Light dreaming it the whole time. Perhaps he had only been stressed, and that stress had produced several sleepwalking episodes which he had finally recovered from.

This option would seem to make the most sense, and had he not already had encounters with the supernatural, he would have been more inclined to accept this as the reason for L's appearances. But even if he hadn't, perhaps parasomnia wasn't the simplest explanation for what had happened. For one, his memory remained clear, when sleepwalkers would normally have no memory of the episodes. Two, Ryuk had understood his speech the night he'd watched him, when the speech of a sleepwalker was often slurred and nonsensical. He'd had no previous history of sleepwalking, either. So if it had been due to that, then it was a very unusual case. On the surface this explanation appeared logical, but upon closer inspection it was far from being the simplest answer. But if it wasn't just his imagination, then there weren't many other options to choose from.

It had even entered Light's mind that L might have faked his death—which was admittedly a paranoid thought at best, but one he had to at least consider if he were to cover all possible explanations. But it did not take much scrutiny for him to dismiss this as an option as well.

There was no reason for L to fake his death, only to haunt him for a few nights, and then disappear without doing anything else. If L had only wanted to get enough information to incriminate Light, then he could have gotten it anytime after his death, even without having to pose as a ghost—and he would have still have been able to get plenty of evidence to expose Light as Kira once and for all. But that had never happened. It had been six months, and Light and Misa were still free, and criminals were still being punished. Nothing had changed. L would never have allowed that had he been alive.

And all of that wasn't even considering the fact that Rem was dead. From the moment Light had switched the death notes, he had known that his plan would one day lead to L's demise. After Higuchi's capture, L had sought to test the 13 day rule, but no matter what he could have thought of, Rem would have stopped him before Misa or Light could be put under suspicion once again. Rem's loyalty to Misa had sealed L's fate.

The best explanation still was that after L's death, some part of the detective had remained in this world for a time, and then returned finally to nothingness. It was the explanation that fit best, and explained all of the phenomena most simply, however unlikely it might seem that ghosts could exist in this world. Light just wished he could have found more evidence of it before L had left. He had thought of setting an alarm at night to find out for certain if he was really awake at the time of L's appearances, and had also been thinking of some way to determine if other humans could see L, if a _shinigami_ couldn't. But of course, L had left before Light could try anything of the sort, let alone get any worthwhile information out of the detective.

What Light _had_ found was that L had seemed to retain all of his memories clearly, unlike some stories about ghosts which described them as not even being aware that they were really dead. L definitely knew who he was, and hadn't lost any amount of the intelligence he'd possessed while he was alive.

He had also seemed to be linked to Light somehow. According to L, he had appeared twice around Light—once at the old headquarters and once at his grave—before the first night Light had noticed him, and all successive times he had appeared close to where Light was as well, as if L were confined within a certain radius of where he was. His later appearances had also been quite regular, always after two o'clock in the morning, and never at any other time.*

Light had also, to his dismay, discovered that L could affect the physical world—at least when in an emotionally provoked state. This didn't seem too far off from what some descriptions were of a poltergeist's behavior, and L's ability to move physical objects had been a reminder to Light that he could never be too careful with L, even when dead. This had resulted in Light being extra cautious with the safety of the death notes, and afterward he had always made sure they were well hidden, even going so far as to have Misa store Rem's notebook away from Light, to ensure that he retained his memories in case something were to happen to the other notebooks. He was sure that if L's ghost was able to try something, it would be related to the death notes. But, of course, nothing ever happened to the notebooks. L had vanished.

It was late morning as Light stood by a window, mulling over all these thoughts. He had the apartment to himself that day—his father and the task force were gone until tomorrow, and Misa was currently playing the star role in some movie being filmed.

The window was open and Light shivered as a cool gust hit him. It had been a clear morning, but dark clouds had moved in since. The wind had picked up, and carried with it the scent of the storm to come. He always felt a strange excitement with approaching thunderstorms, to be able to witness the sky, normally so quiet and uninteresting, unleash the potential of its power.

It didn't take long for the rain to begin, and the wind pelted large drops of it through the window. Light watched indifferently as they landed inside—his mind currently transfixed by something other than the rain. He decided then, like the sudden impulse of the weather, what he would do that day.

* * *

Light walked alone through the vast assembly of stones marking the departed, seeking one stone in particular. Dark clouds still loomed above, though the rain had stopped some time before.

He soon reached the grave, and stopped before it. The cemetery was scarce of other people, and Light had the surrounding area to himself. His hands were empty; he had brought no flowers to replace the withered ones that remained from the funeral, sitting brown and slumped in a vase. Light didn't pay attention to the flowers, though—looking instead at the nameless gravestone before him. As he stared at it, he imagined what the letters might have looked like had there been a name inscribed upon it.

"L Lawliet," Light said, speaking L's name as he had heard it on that night, though he did not know the spelling. The cemetery was quiet, and not even a breeze stirred the branches of the trees around him.

"I admit," he went on, knowing that a response wouldn't come, "I did enjoy your visits, though you were a pain as usual and caused me to question my sanity."

Even though L hadn't been able to stop Light, he had been able to know the truth about Kira in the end. Light had been able to reveal it himself. It was over for L now, but with Light's victory a new world was on its way. Already the world was much improved from what it had been before he had found the death note. And there was so much more he would do.

But even if everything went as planned, there was always the thought in the back of Light's mind that he could never be rid of; Light was mortal, just as L had been. Human lives were short at best, and a century was all he'd get if he was lucky. And no matter how long he'd live, it wouldn't be long enough to satisfy what he'd truly like to have.

If only he had the ability to lengthen his lifespan, like the _shinigami_ could do. He would be willing to trade his soul for a power like that, but not even souls existed, as far as he knew; L's ghost had been a transient aberration, and nothing more.

If he died—and he would die, eventually—would he remain in the world for a time like L had, a mere shadow of what he was, before disappearing for good?

L had died with no one in the world knowing who he really was, aside from a handful of people. Would it be the same for Light? When Kira died, no one would know his name or identity, except for Misa and the select few others he might let know. Anonymity was part of what gave strength to Kira's power, after all, and even if the world came to accept him in general, it would always be too dangerous to reveal who he really was to the world. L had always concealed his true identity from others, and for different circumstances, Light was forced to do the same.

"L, I guess this is goodbye. I won't be coming back here again. And I don't think you will be, either."

Silence answered him. In the sky, the sun had returned, unblocked momentarily by clouds. A breeze picked up, sending the trees into quiet conversation. Suddenly, Light felt a presence behind him, and turned to see what it was.

"Ryuk." For a second, Light had thought... but of course it wouldn't have been.

"Decided to follow ya for a bit," the _shinigami_ said. "Could use the fresh air, plus it gets boring having to follow Misa to all those film sets and photoshoots all the time."

Light turned back to L's grave, studying it once more.

"He's gone for good, now, Ryuk."

"You're sure?"

"It's been six months. Ghost or imagination, I think he's finally left."

"That's too bad, huh? Might have been interesting if he'd stayed."

Light didn't answer, keeping his gaze on the stone.

He remained at the grave a short while longer, then headed back to his apartment.

Some things Light could never change—not with the death note or anything else. He couldn't avoid death. Even _shinigami_ could die, if they weren't careful. But even if the world would never know who Light Yagami was, they would always remember his actions. Kira would affect the world for years to come. Of that, at least, he was certain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry... short chapter is short. The next one will make up for it.
> 
> *Forgot to mention this before, but the reason I chose 2 a.m. in particular was because in Japan that is considered the hour when ghosts and other _obake_ are most likely to appear. L mentioning his other appearances is also a vague reference to the anime (Light sees him for a moment in episode 26, and a similar thing happens in the end of the last episode).


	7. Danse Macabre

_"The sun is getting dim_  
_Will we pay for who we've been?"_

–  _Happy Phantom_

Light woke sometime in the night, thirsty and cold, though he had plenty of covers over him. He coughed, and reached for the glass of water by his bed, but stopped his arm in midair when he noticed a figure standing next to it.

 _What did Ryuk want now?_ thought Light, slightly irritated at being disturbed at such an hour. Misa had just bought a new supply of apples earlier that day, and Light certainly wasn't in a state to get any more for him if that were the case. He had fallen sick two days ago and been confined in his room for most of that time by the insistence of the rest of the task force. They had convinced him to take a break from the investigation, reasoning that it was currently more or less at a standstill anyway, and it would be better for him to get some rest. Sicknesses were quite unusual for him, and it served as an unwanted reminder to Light that not even his immune system was perfect. And so there he was, sick in bed, awake at some ungodly hour in the night.

But as Light's blurred vision focused, he saw that it wasn't Ryuk at all who was standing near him. And it wasn't Misa either. Feeling a sudden wave of apprehension, Light tore his gaze away long enough to look at the clock on the end-table. _It couldn't possibly be, but..._ As he feared, the bright red digital numbers proclaimed only one time.

Light turned back, seeing the figure before him in full lucidity now. It was someone he hadn't seen for quite a long time, indeed.

It had to be tonight, of all nights, that L returned.

L, instead of sitting in his usual position, was standing next to the bed, peering down at Light curiously with a finger raised to his mouth, watching him in silence.

Light's voice, when he found it, was an uncertain note in the silent room. "...L?"

"You don't look well, Light."

"I..." Light began, not sure how to react to L's sudden reappearance. "I thought you'd left for good this time."

"Really?" L's head raised a little, dropping his hand away from his mouth. "How long has it been since I was last here?"

"It's been almost a year, now."

"I've been gone for that long? Strange..." L went quiet in thought. "What day is it, exactly?"

It took a moment for Light to be able to answer, his mind rendered slow from fever and tiredness, and his conception of time muddled by them. "October 31st." He sat up, ignoring how chilled he felt, and held back the urge to cough, which wasn't an easy feat since the desire was almost constant. He was sick, that was true, but that didn't mean he had to let himself appear that way if he could help it. Especially in front of L.

"Ah. Then perhaps that's why," L said, as if that answer could explain it all.

Light frowned doubtfully. _What was why?_ There was nothing important about today that he could think of. But then the full meaning of the date sunk in.

 _Oh, right. There was that Western holiday._ "You think this has something to do with Halloween?"

"That might be part of it," L said. "I do feel oddly aware right now. Like it's easier to be here."

Halloween... The holiday was popular in many countries, and was becoming so even in Japan. But something about that explanation seemed off to Light. Even if it was often associated with spirits and the dead, Halloween was just another holiday, after all, wasn't it? "You're here, that's for sure," Light said. "But Halloween is just a day like any other. That shouldn't be any reason for your being here. Why would—"

"But Light," L interrupted him. "I'm not finished."

Light stopped mid-sentence, not used to being cut off by others. "What is it, then?"

"Today is also my birthday."

Light's eyes widened. "Your birthday?"

"Yes. So that could also be the reason."

Not only that, Light realized, but in less than a week, it would be the anniversary of L's death. Could that play a part in L's return? But no matter what the reason, L was really back again... His disappearance hadn't been permanent, after all. Light shivered, and a sudden coughing fit overtook him, despite his best efforts to retain it. It took a few moments before he was finally able to recover.

"Are you alright?" L asked, watching him curiously.

Light straightened, wanting to laugh at L's apparent show of concern for him. He reached for the glass of water again, getting a hold of it this time. Despite his sickness, now that he had woken up a bit he felt a little better, his fever more or less tolerable. "I'm fine." He took a sip, and set the glass back, then took a moment to gather his thoughts. 

"Why haven't you tried to do anything to me?" Light asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play stupid," Light said. "I'm Kira. You spent all your time when you were alive trying to stop me, so why not now? Why haven't you tried to destroy the death notes, or harm me in some way?"

"Oh, that..." L said. "I assumed you already knew." He turned, and moved to the chair, before sitting in the manner that was normal to him. "The reason why I haven't done anything to you is simple. I can't."

Light studied L. "But why not?" he asked. "It's obvious from the last time that you can affect physical objects if you really want to."

L lowered his gaze, eyes focusing on the hands clasped over his knees. "You think that because of that, I still have the power to truly affect this world? Knocking over a chair is one thing, but if I actually tried to do something like burn the death notes or leave a message for the task force to see, then I would be prevented from doing so." His eyes looked up, meeting Light's. "Believe me, I've already tried."

Light wasn't too surprised to hear it, of course.

"It's not even that I can't do it, it's that I _know_ I can't," L said, hesitating. "It's a strange feeling to describe, but I feel its weight on me at all times." L's eyes were still lowered, his face appearing calm now with some sort of acceptance. "My time in this world is finished, no matter what part of me tries to deny it and remain here. It's as futile as trying to go back and change the past. In the same way, my life has ended, and I can no longer change the future after it. I can look into it, perhaps, but I will no longer play any real part in it." He paused, and looked up at Light. "That is why I can't do anything to you, Light. That is what being a ghost really is."

"I see..." Light said, somewhat taken aback by L's apparent sincerity. "I believe you. It's what I figured, actually. You obviously would have done something by now if you were able to."

L nodded once, slightly. "I don't even seem to have the power to leave the area where you're at. I'm stuck here. When I left the last time, I don't remember what happened afterward. I was leaving, and then it was simply darkness. Nothing else, until now."

"But why are you telling me this? You could have easily pretended you could harm me and tried to make me get rid of the death notes or do something similar. Right?"

L looked hesitant. "Yes, I probably could have. But I don't feel like playing games anymore. That feels pointless now. Besides, you would have realized soon enough that I couldn't really do anything to you."

"I suppose," Light answered after just managing to suppress another cough. The silence returned, but Light didn't notice.

"Light, could I ask you a favor?" L asked after awhile, interrupting Light's thoughts.

"What?"

"I know you're not feeling well, but since I'm here on my birthday, do you happen to have anything sweet to eat?"

Light's response was only sensible, he thought. "Ghosts can't eat." Or could they? L sure could do a lot, it seemed, for being dead.

"I know. But even to see a piece of cake once more, or a small sweet..."

Light sighed. Such a request was somehow fitting, coming from him. "You're hopeless, L," he said. "...But you might also be in luck. I think Misa might have some cake left around here somewhere."

L's expression didn't change, but even so Light could tell that he was pleased by the answer. "That would more than suffice. Thank you."

Light hesitantly got up. Why was he doing this? L didn't deserve it, that was for sure. But Light had already offered, and so he couldn't really take it back now. "Heh, who knows," Light said, suppressing a shiver as he stood. "Maybe this is the only thing that's keeping you from your final rest."

L hummed in response. "Still trying to get rid of me? What a terrible friend you are."

Light stopped where he was, and then shrugged his shoulders indifferently and began walking to the other side of the room, passing L in the process. "Well, you should have picked better friends."

"I didn't have many options to choose from."

Light didn't comment further. He reached the door, grabbing onto the handle with his hand, and then looked back, noticing L still hadn't moved from his spot. "Come on."

L finally stood, and made his way over to Light. Light exited the room, and L followed behind him.

They were passing through the living room when L stopped in his tracks. "Strange..." he said. "Why is a video game playing by itself?"

Light stopped, turning his head to see what L was talking about.

"Hey Light, what are you doing up?" Ryuk inquired at nearly the same time as L had.

"Just getting a snack. I can't sleep." Light answered the _shinigami_. So apparently L couldn't see Ryuk _,_ even in his ghostly state.

"Oh," Ryuk said, "Well if you're bored you're welcome to join me." He motioned to the television screen with the game controller still in his hand.

"And the controller is moving on its own," L remarked, his eyes wide in false seriousness. "I think you have a ghost problem, Light."

"I'll pass." Light told Ryuk, ignoring L's comments.

Ryuk shrugged. "Suit yourself." He turned back to the game. "Human's sure have some great inventions, but this has gotta be the best out of all of them."

They left Ryuk behind, and entered the kitchen.

"That _shinigami_ must be very different from the other one," L said, making a rather accurate conjecture.

Light opened the refrigerator. "That's an understatement," he answered L, now that Ryuk was out of earshot.

Light spotted the dessert, a white cake with strawberries layered between and garnished on top, and took it out. Some fan or coworker had given it to Misa as a gift, but since she liked to avoid sweets, it had remained untouched. L watched silently, but with interest, as Light removed it from its container and set it on a plate, and was even considerate enough to get a fork to set beside it.

They left the kitchen soon after. Ryuk didn't turn away from the game, but if he had he might have been surprised by Light's choice in snack, as Light would normally never eat anything so sweet. Once they reached the bedroom, Light shut the door behind them, and noticed that L looked speculative about something.

"I was wondering, Light," L said as they walked over to the other side of the room. "Why don't you share a room with Misa?"

Light gave him a strange look. L certainly knew why. Anyone who knew Misa should know why. "I enjoy my privacy," was all he said, however.

"I see," L said, but instead of ending it there, he pursued the topic further. "Have you ever been interested in relationships?"

"I've dated before. You know that."

"But have you ever been interested in them?"

"L, I have much better things to concern myself with than trivial things like girlfriends."

"Even if you weren't Kira?"

So that's what this was about. "I suppose not, even then. Why do you care?" It wasn't even Misa, per se. Light didn't form real relationships with women, or anyone. That's just the way it had always been for him.

"I just find it interesting that you feel that way," L said. "For most other people that is a big concern about their life."

"You should know by now that I am not most people."

"You're right. That should go without saying," L said, a small smile tugging at his lips.

Light ignored the look, and set the plate on the end table, turning the lamp on beside it, and then sat down on the side of the bed. L followed behind, walking past the chair he usually sat in and stopping in front of the cake.

"Well?"

L looked at the cake, but didn't move to touch it. "It looks delicious."

Silence.

"Go on, then."

A moment passed, then L stepped uncertainly closer. He eyed the cake a moment longer, and then lowered his head until his face was only a few inches from it, and breathed in—or made the action of breathing in, since he couldn't actually breathe in his state, could he? He then frowned, and raised his head, straightening into his normal slouch.

"It's no use," L said, and moved away with some reluctance to sit on the chair.

Light didn't think he'd ever seen him look more disappointed. "You're going to give up that easily?"

L looked back to the cake. "It's just... that feeling. I know I can't do it, even without trying. But thank you, anyway."

The sweet scent of the cake suddenly drifted towards Light and made him feel a bit nauseous, even with his deteriorated sense of smell. He quickly forced all thoughts of food out of his mind, or he knew the feeling would just become worse. "How old would you be today?"

L dragged his eyes away from the cake and met Light's. "26."

"Ah. Well... happy birthday." He coughed twice, uncontrollably, only managing to cover his mouth by the second cough. Not that it mattered too much at the moment.

L's expression turned to mild disgust. "Even if I could, there's no way I would eat the cake now. I might get sick."

Light didn't laugh. "If you're going to continue haunting me, then do it another night. I'm really not in the mood for this right now."

L frowned now, turning his attention on Light. "I didn't choose to be here. There are other places I would rather be," he answered, and then shifted around uncomfortably, as if he wasn't sure whether to continue or not. "Do you think I enjoy this? Being here, but not being able to do anything?"

Light closed his eyes, rubbing at his temple with one hand. He felt a headache coming on, or maybe it was something else. Something had shifted between them. It seemed to happen in an instant, but perhaps it had been there all along, lying safely beneath appearances. "Then it looks like neither of us will get our way."

"Maybe. But I'm glad I could celebrate my birthday with you, Light."

Light opened his eyes and looked at L, but didn't say anything.

"Light, about last time..."

"Don't," Light said. "I don't care about that right now."

But L continued, anyway. "I can never forgive you for Misora's death or the deaths of any others that you've caused. Only they could do that, and they're dead."

"I don't want to hear this, L. You know I couldn't care less."

But L was unfazed by his protests. "I can imagine well what Misora saw as she looked in your eyes that last second. I know because I saw those eyes myself," he went on, face composed, something oddly compelling in his voice. "I was dying, and I knew that you had caused it. But despite everything, when I saw that face, I forgave you."

Something froze inside Light.

L had... But why?

Why was L doing this? He had been acting so strange; joking and pretending to be nice to him. Saying he'd forgiven him. There was no cause for it, especially considering how things had ended the previous time. But there had to have been some motivation for his actions, some reason for him to be saying this.

Unless L thought he could...

"L, I know what you're doing."

"...You do?"

Light's expression was calm, but there was something underlying it that would have made most other people squirm under it or look away. Unfortunately L had always seemed to be unaffected by such things. "You can say whatever you want," Light said, "but I don't feel guilty about causing your death."

"I know that. Why would you?"

"So stop trying to make me feel that way. It won't work."

"I'm not trying to do that. I know Kira wouldn't feel guilty about such things."

"But _Light Yagami_ would?"

"No," L answered, then hesitated. "Well, yes, perhaps, if you didn't have your memories of being Kira. But that's not why I said that."

"Then why?"

L stood up suddenly, and went over to the window. "I don't know. To try to make amends with you, instead of fighting. I am stuck here, after all. Maybe because even though I hadn't meant it when I said you were my first friend, I had wanted it to be true." He turned his head partly away from the window, towards Light. "Or maybe I just like to lie."

The words were speculative; not really meant as a challenge. But even so, Light felt his irritation grow.

Now that he thought about it, the only thing that L had really tried to do was talk. Maybe he somehow thought he could change things that way, if he couldn't do it physically. All his efforts would be futile, though. If L couldn't change the world with his actions, then he certainly couldn't change it with his words either. He could talk all he wanted and try to make Light feel as guilty or angry or frustrated as he could, but it wouldn't change anything.

Light was Kira, and lie or not, whatever L was attempting to do, it was useless. Even on the small chance that L's words had been sincere, they would always be enemies. L knew as well as he did that it was too late for them to be anything but that. He would never agree with Light where it mattered most, so what was the point?

Light, despite the fatigue he felt from his sickness, got up from his bed once more. Perhaps the headache was making his temper shorter than usual, because he was finding his anger much harder to control at the moment.

"L... that's just stupid. What's the point of all this... trying to make amends, or trying to do anything? I killed you! You're _dead_! You're not even supposed to be here!"

L turned so he was facing Light. They were close now, no more than a few feet from each other. "You're right. But I am here, and so I'm going to make the most of it, if I can't do anything else."

"But I'm _Kira_! I don't need your lies or friendship or anything from you! You mean nothing to me! You were just an obstacle to be eliminated, and nothing more."

"I used to think like that too, once. But when I died, I realized—"

Light rushed forward, and pushed L back, grabbing a hold of his shirt and slamming him back on the wall next to the window. "Stop using that! I don't care what you realized, you can't change anything now! The dead can't do any—" He cut himself off, realizing what he had just done without thinking in his fevered anger. He stepped back, but didn't let go of L.

Because that was just it, wasn't it?

The dead cannot do anything. They can't hear, or think, or feel, or see, or speak. They can't do any of that anymore. So why could he? Why was L here, right now, and why could Light touch him? Out of all the things he had considered about L's presence, this is what bothered Light the most. The dead shouldn't be able to do anything. But here L was, defying that fact.

Light still had no answer as to why L was here. Perhaps there would never be a real explanation, just as the phenomenon of _shinigami_ would always remain out of human understanding. But even if that was so, he had to at least try to comprehend this.

"How can you be here, L?"

"I'm struggling with that question myself, Light."

Slowly, Light loosened his hold on L's shirt, but didn't take his hand away. A question suddenly entered his mind, one that he wasn't quite sure he wanted the answer to. But curiosity soon won over. Cautiously, Light relaxed his fist that held onto the fabric of L's shirt, and moved it away, but not far; pressing it instead over L's chest. Right above where his heart would be.

L watched him closely, but remained silent.

A few seconds slipped by, and then Light felt it. His arm tensed, but he didn't jerk it away. "Your heart still...?"

"It's only an echo, like anything else."

Light shook his head in disbelief. "I shouldn't be this surprised." He looked up from where his hand was. There was something different in L's eyes. Was it fear? But why would he be nervous about this?

"Light, I don't think this is a good idea."

Light's eyes narrowed a fraction. "Why not? I can see you, hear you," he took his hand away, pausing a brief second, and then brought it to L's face instead; cautiously, like examining if the glass of a window was really there. L's skin was cool, but not icy cold, as he had expected, "and even feel you."

There was something vaguely dangerous in Light's expression, rivaling the dark watchfulness in L's eyes. "If I can do all that," he continued, removing his hand again, only to rest it on L's neck, but carefully, as if in an innocent gesture, "can ghosts be killed, too?"

L didn't falter in his answer. "No, you can't get rid of me that way."

Light ignored L's response, and ignored the strange tone of disappointment he thought he heard in L's voice. "Maybe that's what this is. I never got a chance to kill you myself."

L didn't answer right away, but when he did, it was almost curious. "Could you really kill another person this way?" Sure, Light had killed with pen and paper, but if it came down to it, could he kill this way? The way everyone else had to?

Light, ever slowly, curled his hand around L's neck. It was shaking, but just a little. "Sure. What's the difference between this and writing a name?" There wasn't any, really, besides the method. And the fact that one was more efficient than the other.

L studied him closely, but Light chose not to read what was behind his expression. "You've been Kira for too long, Light."

Light brought his other hand up, determined now, and closed it around L's neck.

_What would be the harm in trying?_

But before Light could do anything further, he was lying on the floor. He had barely registered L's movements before he fell backwards, and brought L down with him, holding tightly to his neck, but releasing his hold once he hit the floor. He felt a sharp pain in his shoulder, and winced.

L sat up, bringing a hand to his neck and rubbing it. "That hurt, I think."

Light quickly brought his arms up to L's shoulders, trying to push him off and regain control once more, but L resisted. Angry now, he struggled, but as he held onto L, he began to feel weak.

"You said you can't harm me, yet here you are..."

L looked tired, as if the effort to restrain him took much more out of him than it should. "I haven't harmed you. You did it to yourself. But Light, I really don't think the dead should be touched."

"Why do you care, anyway?" Light asked, spitting out his words as he struggled against L, frustrated and sick.

"Because it works both ways. I can't harm you, and you can't harm me. There might be consequences, otherwise." L noticed Light's hold weakening, and then quickly escaped from his grasp. He stood, but didn't move far.

It was overpowering, but Light's sudden weakness didn't feel like it was caused by his sickness or his fatigue. It felt unnatural, somehow.

"Light?" L asked, looking down at him. He crouched down beside him once more.

Light managed to look up, seeing L, but struggling to focus as he felt his consciousness begin to fade, his thoughts becoming unclear. L's expression was as blank as ever, so why did Light read concern in his eyes?

Why did he always find something where there should be nothing?

"Light? What's wrong?"

But Light felt too tired to answer. He hardly noticed the question. The darkness seemed much more inviting than anything else right now. There was something so familiar about it. Darkness, death, absence. That feeling... he understood it now. If he could just settle into it, and forget everything, then it would all be alright...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Six more chapters to go!


	8. Dead Stars

_"Dead stars still burn."_

Light groaned, and opened his eyes. He realized dimly that he was lying on the floor; the carpet providing little comfort now that he was in a conscious state. Sunlight streamed through the window, hitting his face, and he squinted through its brightness.

Misa was kneeling next to him, shaking his shoulders with some urgency, but stopped once she saw his eyes open.

"Light! You're awake! Are you alright?"

Slowly, Light raised himself up until he was in a sitting position, and then abruptly coughed. Still sick, then. But aside from a slight grogginess, he felt much more clear-headed than he had the night before.

"Yeah... I feel fine," he said.

 _The night before..._ Light thought, searching his mind for his memory of what had happened. Gradually, it came back to him.

"What happened? When I came in to check on you and saw you on the floor I thought you were dead!"!"

"Don't be so dramatic," Light answered, indifferent to her concern. "I must have woken up in the night without realizing it. I'll be alright, Misa. Just get me some water."

Misa watched him uncertainly, worry still in her eyes, but then nodded briefly. "Okay, I'll be right back. Don't worry," she added, giving him a smile, "Misa will take care of you." She stood and left the room.

Light carefully got up, his arm and shoulder feeling sore where he had landed on it the night before. He glanced offhandedly at the end table; the cake was still sitting there, untouched. He sighed, and walked into the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror, and looked for any injuries in his reflection, but couldn't find anything visible.

Misa returned shortly, stopping at the bathroom entrance with a glass. "Here's your water, Light."

Light turned away from the mirror and took the glass, drinking slowly, though he had been thirsty since last night. "Thanks, Misa."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Really, Misa, I'm fine. I feel much better than yesterday." He set the glass on the counter, and then turned to look at her. "In fact, if you feel up for it, I think we should go out for lunch today."

"Huh?" Her eyes widened in surprise at Light's suggestion. Usually, it was she who initiated such requests, not Light. "Are you sure?" Her expression battled between concern and a poorly hidden excitement at the prospect of getting to go on a date with him. "You should probably get some rest..."

"Do you want to go or not?"

She bit her lip a moment. "...Okay." She finally caved in, but then her expression hardened into some resolve. "But only if you don't have a fever."

"Fine," Light agreed.

* * *

They sat at a table near the window, their drinks received, while they waited for their food to arrive. The restaurant wasn't busy at that hour, and only a few other tables were occupied aside from theirs.

"I have a favor to ask you."

"Yes? Anything, Light."

"This isn't going to make very much sense to you, but just trust me on this." Misa stirred her drink unconsciously while Light spoke, stirring the ice cubes within the glass, but her attention was fully on Light.

"Okay—sure," she said easily, probably unable to imagine a situation where she wouldn't be able to trust Light. "What is it?"

Light leaned forward a little, his own drink forgotten. "I want you to set your alarm for 2 a.m. every night, and then enter my room without knocking. If I'm asleep, you can just go back to bed. But if I'm awake, I want you to let me know what you see. If there's anything unusual or not."

"Huh?" She stopped stirring her drink, a look of puzzlement settling on her face as she tried to discern the purpose behind Light's instructions. "You're right, that doesn't make very much sense... But I'll do as you say," she agreed, then smiled.

"Good," Light said, then leaned back in his chair, satisfied.

* * *

"So he's really back again?" Ryuk asked that evening, after Misa was out of earshot and everyone else had left the apartment. He'd heard Light's conversation at the restaurant earlier, but had kept quiet about it until now.

Light had just finished retrieving the death note from its hiding place. He turned to look at Ryuk, death note in hand, and answered, "He was more persistent than I thought." It wasn't a direct yes, but it may as well have been.

"But why did you ask Misa to watch your room? Didn't I already do that before?"

"Yes, but you're a _shinigami_. She's human."

Ryuk shrugged. "Fair enough. At least this makes things interesting again. I was hoping it wouldn't be that simple."

"You and I have very different ideas of what 'interesting' is. But yes, it seems like he's back for now. Not that it makes any difference. Kira will continue on with or without his presence."

"Are you sure about that, Light?" Ryuk followed behind as Light began to walk to his room. "Can't say I'd trust him, even as a ghost."

"I never said that I did." Light paused to open the door. "I'm keeping an eye on him. What else can I do?"

Ryuk seemed to think a moment. "Call an exterminator?" He offered helpfully, and then his eyes lit up. "You know, like in that one movie—with the giant marshmallow guy?"

"I don't think so, Ryuk."

"Come on, you know the one I'm talking about. That one with the demon in the refrigerator—and that green thing? The humans who exterminate ghosts?"

"Can't say that I've seen it. Or want to."

"You really have no taste in movies, do you?"

"I think it says something about yourself that you would think of the movie _Ghostbusters_ before, say, _The Exorcist_ , or any other ghost movie."

"So you _have_ seen it!"

"I just inferred what movie you meant from what I've heard of it," Light answered indifferently. "That doesn't mean I've actually seen it."

"Whatever you say. Just hope he doesn't go all Gozer on you and sick demon dogs on you to take your soul. Hah."

Light reached his desk, and sat down in his chair, setting the death note on the table. "No, he doesn't seem very vengeful, so that's good," he said, more serious now. "But even if L really is powerless, I will never fully trust him. I learned that long ago."

"If he's even real, right? There's always that."

"True. But on that matter, I've decided to trust my sanity until proven otherwise."

Ryuk chuckled, amused. "There are many who would argue with you on that one. Kira, divine justice, or insane mass murderer?"

Light opened his laptop, waking it from its sleep, and then picked up a pen nearby, clicking the end with his thumb. "Whatever they believe, in time they will learn to accept what Kira is. That's what humans are best at, Ryuk. They adapt to change. Even when the force of change is themselves."

"Huh. Seems true enough. Part of what makes the human realm a better place to be in, that's for sure."

"But to be able to see the human world would be pretty useful," Light said, referring to the spheres that allowed the _shinigami_ to view any part of the human world. "I wouldn't mind going there, if I could."

"Ha, you would say that. But there's not much else good about it, trust me."

"Then why stay there at all?"

Ryuk scratched his head, uncertain. "I don't know... I guess it's home for us. Though sometimes it feels more like a cage."

Light made a thoughtful sound. "Perhaps humans and _shinigami_ are more alike than they look."

"Oh?"

"Just a thought." He went back to the death note, flipping it open to a new page. "Now stop bothering me. I have a lot of names to write."

"Sure thing, Light." Disinterested now, Ryuk wandered off to find something better to occupy himself with than watching the repetitive process of the ending of human lives.

Light looked back to his laptop. Some months ago, under "L's" direction, the police and media around the world had been instructed to no longer reveal any suspect's or criminal's face to the public. Not long after, the internet had become overwhelmed with photographs and names of criminals, proving to be a far more fruitful place for finding information than the media had ever been. It had been a smart move on Light's part.

A few clicks, and Light had access to all the information he needed. He moved his pen to the death note, and began to write; the first name on a long list for that night.

* * *

L appeared three nights later.

"I'm sorry for leaving you there like that last time," L said, once Light had woken. "I was afraid that if I tried to help you, it would only worsen your condition."

A moment passed before Light answered. "It's alright," he responded, with no hostility. "I had a fever, and I overreacted. It's just still hard for me to accept all this."

"I know."

Under L's chest right now, a dead heart was beating.

Light thought this as he looked at L—unable to rid his mind of the fascination, and the horror, of the thought that L was really, truly here. L was physical, and yet... he couldn't possibly be here in the complete sense of that word. But how could he be here, _physically_ here, and not be at the same time? It was an impossible idea to wrap his mind around, and it only frustrated him the more he tried to grasp it.

"What day is it today?" L asked, breaking his thoughts, and then Light abruptly realized what day it was. A year ago today, L had...

"It's the morning of the day you die."

"Ah," L said. His voice betrayed nothing. "I suppose I would be here, for that. I still—"

At that moment, the door opened, and Misa cautiously entered the room.

"Light?" She asked. "Are you awake?" The room was dark, and so she probably saw only a dark shape where Light was sitting on the bed.

"Yes, Misa," Light answered calmly, though he currently felt far from calm inside. He sent a quick glance towards L, who had gone quiet. His eyes were watching Misa, but he hadn't moved from his spot in the chair. Light looked back to her. "Do you see anything?"

She squinted, her eyes still obviously not adjusted to the darkness of the room. "No, I don't think so."

"Come closer. By my bed."

"Okay." She smiled a little, and stepped closer until she reached it.

"Stop. Look over there, to your right," Light instructed. "Do you see anything?" Even if the room was dark, she should be able to see L from this distance. Weak city light streamed through the window blinds, hitting part of the chair, and L along with it.

Misa turned, her eyes passing over the chair, but didn't give any reaction. "No, I don't see anything strange, Light."

Light silently stood and moved to the window. He raised his hand, and then turned the blinds to let in more light.

"Nothing? Nothing on the chair?" he asked, when Misa still hadn't reacted to anything.

"No... It looks the same as always," her voice shook slightly. "What's wrong, Light? Am I supposed to see something there?"

Light looked at L, whose attention was still on Misa, and then sighed, moving back to his bed. "No. Thanks, Misa. You can go now."

"Aww, can't I stay a bit longer, since I'm here?" she asked, donning a mischievous grin.

"I could leave if you want me to, Light," L offered.

"No. Go back to sleep, Misa."

She pouted, "Okay. But we haven't been on a date in a while, so you have to promise to do something with me this week!"

"We just went on one on Tuesday."

"But that seems like so long ago already, plus you were still a little sick..."

"Fine, we'll go on a date again soon. Goodnight, Misa."

"Yay! Goodnight, Light!" Happy now, she left, and shut the door behind her.

The silence seemed heavier than before.

"Sorry for that," Light said, when L remained quiet. "I just wanted to get a second opinion, since I'm afraid _shinigami_ aren't always reliable." Which was the truth. Light had asked Ryuk to do the same before, but could he really trust a _shinigami_ 's eyes over a human's? Besides, there was the chance that Ryuk could actually see L, but just pretended not to for some unknown reason. Light wouldn't put it past him to do something like that, anyway. But Misa would never lie to him.

"I understand. But doesn't Misa still have the eyes?"

"Yeah, she made the trade again after she got her memories back."

"Then couldn't that be the reason she can't see me?"

Light had already considered that. "No, I doubt that would have anything to do with it. She's still human, after all—just with additional powers." Ryuk had described them once like wearing contacts. She still had her human eyes underneath. "Besides, you spoke and she couldn't hear you, either."

"That's true," L said, looking down in thought, and then lifted his head. "Could she have _shinigami_ ears as well?"

"Not likely."

"Hm. If she could see me, I wonder what she'd see."

Light wondered that for a moment as well. If Misa or Ryuk could see L, would he still have a name? Would his lifespan read zero, or be nothing at all?

"Why won't you make the eye trade?"

"The price of a human having _shinigami_ eyes is one half of that human's current lifespan," Light responded automatically. It was a fact that he unfortunately knew well.

"Half?" L repeated. His thumb went to his lip in thought. "Now I see why you never did it yourself. So you use Misa to be your eyes instead."

"It was her choice to do it." Both times, it had been Misa who decided to give up her lifespan for that power.

"But no matter how long you can postpone it, you will die someday."

Is that where L wanted to go with this? "That is one unfortunate thing that I'll have to face, eventually," Light said. "But for now I will continue to serve as Kira, the first Kira, and perhaps someday find another who can fulfill that role when I'm gone." He spoke easily, as if it wasn't any major concern to him.

"How could you trust them to do exactly what you would do?"

"Make some sort of doctrine to be followed, I suppose. Misa does well on her part already, and so I'm sure I will be able to find others suited for the task. You're right, though—it will have to be a very careful selection. But like I said, I'm not going to worry about it right now."

"Anyone can die at anytime Light. You should make preparations."

"Heh, are you trying to help me? That's should be the last thing you want," Light said, and when L didn't answer right away, he continued. "I see," he smiled, "You're trying to make me uncomfortable—because I know I can't be Kira forever. You think that I'm too selfish to want to give that power to anyone else. That I'm only doing this for myself."

"Yes."

But did L not see the irony of this conversation? "You should have made preparations for your own death, L."

"I did."

"Then you wanted me as your successor?"

"No, it wasn't supposed to be you." L spoke his next words vaguely, as if reading out a fortune. "Perhaps in the future, someone else will have a chance to fight you as I had."

That sounded like a threat if he'd ever heard one. "But how could they know anything? They don't even know you're dead, right?"

"They'll figure it out eventually, if they haven't already."

Light sighed, and folded his arms. "Since I'm sure you're not going to give me any more details than that, I guess I'll just say that I'm looking forward to beating them, too. Or anyone else who gets in my way." Ryuk would have something to look forward to, at least. "I've won, L. There's no use saying that I haven't anymore. No matter who tries to stop me, Kira speaks the law now."

"I disagree. You can still be stopped. I look forward to the day you finally slip, and make a mistake you can't recover from."

L wasn't relenting on this. "Well then, I guess we'll have to wait to find out which one of us is right."

L looked downwards. "If I'm still here."

"...Right. If you're still here." Who knew how long L would really remain here, after all. His existence was at best unstable.

"But in truth," L said suddenly, "I hope we're both wrong."

Light gave him a puzzled look. "What is that supposed to mean?"

L was quiet, his eyes focused somewhere else. "It's just that—sometimes I wonder if things would have turned out better if they had gone neither of our ways."

"...I'm not following you."

L scratched his face uncertainly, seeming to struggle to explain himself. "I guess I'm not sure myself. It's hard for me to think clearly, sometimes—hard to keep things in the right order." He looked up. "I'm not sure what I mean. I just know that I mean it."

"Well, I'm afraid I don't share your view."

L nodded. "I don't care for it either."

Light watched L curiously. It was hard to pinpoint exactly what mood he was in, but even for L, it seemed like an odd one.

L lowered his eyelids slightly, as if dissatisfied with something. "What a mess this all is."

"That, I can agree with," Light said.

The world made room for a lot of things, and reality was often stranger than it first seemed. A year before this, he would have never imagined such a situation as now—L, a ghost, still here and talking to him.

And things would only get more complicated.

 


	9. Killing Moon

_"I met in a wood_  
_a dream pale owl_  
_with eyes that were not blue_

_and like myself, he was not wise_  
_and he was not good_  
_but sometimes he was true."_

_—This Ecstasy_

Planets loomed in the night sky, betraying vast distances to share the same horizon. They hung, great giants set against much fainter stars; the moon no longer Earth's sole partner.

Light watched as Jupiter rose, and he knew he was still on Earth, and yet, Earth did not feel quite the same. As if its surface had been torn off and placed around some other terrestrial planet. At this point, Light was dimly aware that he was dreaming, but the dream kept him gently in its grasp, and he was always on the verge of, but never quite able to achieve full lucidity.

He turned, and looked away from the sky, and then he was no longer outside, but in a room, cool and dark. It was quiet, but the room hummed with a restless energy. In the room there was a woman. He could see her clearly despite the darkness, and as he walked closer to her, he recognized who it was.

"Naomi?" Light asked, addressing her by her first name. It felt right to, here. But Naomi didn't hear him. She was sitting, focused on a dark shape lying heavy in her arms, and even without seeing it Light knew who it was.

Naomi suddenly lifted her head, looking away from Penber's limp body, but she didn't look at Light or seem to notice he was there at all. She appeared to be in thought, and though she held her dead fiancé her arms, her sorrow was carefully maintained.

"Kira..." Naomi said, but Light knew she wasn't speaking to him, or to anyone at all.

Light stepped closer, curious if she would say anything more. He knew her words would be important—he wouldn't be here, if they weren't.

When she spoke again her words were soft, but clear in the darkness. "Kira is L, and L is Kira," she said, speculating aloud to the darkness. "But which devoured which?"

Her eyes seemed to be looking for something in the room, and Light moved away from her searching gaze. He left her there, exiting through a door, and then the daylight greeted him. But as he looked to the sky, he felt again that something was off. The sun looked exactly as it always had, but like the Earth, it did not feel the same. Like it was another, identical sun. And somewhere, he knew, invisible, floated the _shinigami_ realm.

He looked away, forgetting these thoughts, and began walking down the sidewalk. He was headed to school, but not to _To-Ou_ or his high school; he was just a child again.

Young Light Yagami was going to his bus stop when he saw another kid in front of him, stomping on the ground and laughing in enjoyment. It was a childhood memory from years ago—one that had been all but forgotten by him. But in his dream he was able to relive it vividly once more.

Light had been a curious child, and often spent his time observing the lifeforms that he came across. He was never cruel to them, at least not intentionally. He liked watching ants in particular. They always seemed to know what they were doing, and carried out every action without hesitation. Grain by grain they would progress, all in reverence to their queen and colony. They didn't have to wonder what their purpose was, they were born with it, and lived their lives accordingly, giving their lives for something greater than themselves. To Light, their level of organization exceeded that of even adults, and certainly that of his other peers. So in respect for that, Light would always carefully avoid the anthills he came across in the cracks of pavement, and step around any workers that he saw. They both shared the same sidewalk, after all, so it was the only right thing to do.

So when Light registered that the kid, a bit older than him, was stomping intentionally on their home, it angered him more than it would have some other boy his age.

"What are you doing?"

"What's it look like?" The kid said, continuing to stomp on any stray ants.

Light felt a sudden overwhelming urge to hit the other boy, but didn't act on it. "You should stop."

"Why? It's fun. I'm gonna stomp on every anthill so they're trapped." The boy laughed, and using a stick he had picked up, pushed it into the dirt so the ground was packed tight, sealing one of the antholes.

Anger won out against his nervousness at challenging a kid who was older and bigger than him. "Stop it!" Light said, louder. Sure, the ants would eventually find a way out and repair the entrance to their home, but that wasn't the point. It was the boy's delight in their destruction that was what really bothered him. It was wrong, and should be punished. His father would agree with him, he was sure.

"Or what? Gonna tell on your mommy? They're just ants."

Light moved fast, and pushed the kid down hard onto the ground. In his actual memory, he had backed off soon after that, having startled the kid enough, who fortunately hadn't tried to do anything back to him; he had been bigger than Light, after all. But in the dream, he felt his rage increase even more, and started to hit and punch the boy, forgetting everything but his anger. But it was more than just anger, now; beneath the anger was an intense frustration that such a senselessly destructive person could even exist. That the world even allowed such people in it.

"Stop it, Light," a voice said. Light paused his fist mid-strike at the voice, and turned to look behind him. "Let the ants save themselves."

"But they cant!" Light shouted back. Couldn't L see that? The ants couldn't hurt the boy, but Light could do it for them.

L didn't respond, but kept his eyes on Light. Then Light noticed something different about him.

"L? You're..."

It was L, but like the planet, and like the sun, it was not quite L. He was a void wrapped thinly in a human container that may have once been him, but it was him no longer. It was... _wrong_. And there was something frightening, knowing that.

"This happens to everyone, Light," L said, seeming to pick up on Light's thoughts. "It's only natural. Kira should know that better than anyone."

A shadow passed over the ground, and then Ryuk was there, too. And at some point Light had changed back into his older self, though he couldn't remember when.

"You're hurting the ants, too, Light. Can't you see it?" L said.

"What—?"

Suddenly, all the ants had escaped from the ground, and were crawling frantically on the sidewalk. The boy was gone, and they swarmed near Light's feet, frenzied, and then began to crawl onto Light. He tried to back away, but they were faster, and he only managed to step on them instead. He stopped, urgently trying to brush them off, but to no avail. "Get off! You're not supposed to do that!" He turned, and glared at L. "You did this!"

L looked at him, blankly, but didn't speak.

Then Ryuk spoke. "This is boring, Light. No one really cares about the ants, except the ants themselves." His eyes glowed. He raised his hand to his death note, holding a pen. "Maybe this will make things more interesting."

And though Light couldn't see it, he knew Ryuk was writing down his own name in the death note.

" _Wait—!"_

Light rushed forward to Ryuk. The ants were gone now, and it was only L and Ryuk and Light.

"Why, Ryuk? I still have time!" He tried to reach out to stop Ryuk and tear the notebook away, but for some reason his arms could hardly move the closer that he got to him. He couldn't possibly reach the notebook in time. "Stop!" He pleaded. "I don't want to die! Please, Ryuk! Don't do this!"

"No one ever does." Ryuk lowered the notebook to his side. Light's name had been written."Goodbye, Light. I had a lot of fun. You stopped the boredom for awhile. Thanks for that."

"I can't die yet! I promise I'll—" But his words were useless. Ryuk was gone.

Somewhere above, out of reach, was the _shinigami_ realm.

Suddenly, overwhelmingly, Light felt in full clarity the immediacy of his own end. His mind reeled as his heart took over his chest. So this is what it had felt like—for L, Naomi, and all the others. He had even felt it himself once—recalling his father's face and a loaded gun—but that had been another, lesser self, and might as well have been centuries ago. This was now, and this was real.

L was watching him. He smiled, but it wasn't a real smile, and then held a hand out to Light. "We can both be nothing now." Something jingled when he did so, a familiar sound, and Light noticed a metal cuff on L's wrist. He looked down at his own hand, and saw a chain running from it to L's arm.

Where had it come from? Had it always been there?

No—there had been a time once when he had been free from all this. When it had been just him, and an idea to shape the world with.

He had made many choices in his life, some good, and others rash and foolish. But his reasons had always been just. This life, this world—it hadn't gone the way he'd planned, not all of it. But even so... There was something nice in knowing that he'd played a part in it. That he'd helped to shape it while he could.

It wouldn't be much longer now. The seconds were passing, and Light closed his eyes. There was no chain anymore. No L, or _shinigami_. It was only him now, and the memory of an idea.

It was enough.

* * *

Light woke up suddenly. It was dark, and once he became aware of where he was, and that he had been dreaming, he looked around the room for L, expecting his presence to be the reason why he'd woken. But he wasn't there, and when Light glanced at the clock it read 4:05 a.m.

Strange, he had expected L to be there the night after his death. But if L hadn't appeared yet, he wouldn't now.

It had only been a dream that had woken him, but it had left behind an uncomfortable, almost ominous feeling. He couldn't shake the feeling that there had been something important in it, but when he tried to recall what exactly, he only saw a brief image of Misora, and then of planets, and that was it. Everything else had slipped away.

Light turned around in his bed, finding a more comfortable position, but didn't sleep.

* * *

L continued appearing at night, never predictably on whether it would be a day, a week, or more between his visits, but gradually lessening again in appearances as the months went by. During this time, L revealed one or two things more about himself, but never anything that conclusively proved his existence. More often than not they wouldn't even discuss L, or Kira for that matter, their topics straying instead to other things—and although neither of them ever forgot who the other was, for both of them L's appearances had become almost... normal.

Then one night, L decided to bring up something he had never discussed before.

"It feels late..." L said, arms crossed over his knees, head lowered so his chin rested over them.

"It's after two in the morning."

"Not like that. Like I've overstayed my welcome in this world," L clarified. "I think I might disappear again soon."

Light looked at L, but didn't notice anything particularly different about him, besides looking a bit more troubled than usual. "Well you'll probably return eventually, just like last time," he answered, refraining from pointing out to L that he had actually overstayed his welcome long ago.

"Probably," L said, but looked uncertain about it. "Unless..." He went silent, and seemed hesitant to speak his next words. "Light, there's something I've been holding back from you from the start of these encounters."

Light gave him a curious look. "What do you mean?"

L seemed more than a little hesitant to speak now, but continued. "Well... After I died, you assumed that all information related to me was erased with the data on the Kira investigation, right?"

"I didn't assume. It was." Light had checked that thoroughly, and had found nothing left behind at headquarters on L or Watari.

"Right. But I did keep information elsewhere—on paper, not stored digitally. Mostly files related to my previous cases and things like that. I have a feeling that is part of the reason why I'm still here."

Light looked at him in some confusion. "But why are you telling me this now?"

"I've decided to give you access to those files," L said, expression unreadable. "I want you to destroy them for me."

There was a short, but heavy pause.

Light's eyes widened. "Destroy them? You really want me to...?" Light certainly hadn't expected this. And just when he had been thinking L could no longer surprise him.

"Yes. I kept the files here in Tokyo, since I never wanted to leave them very far from me," L said. "They were being kept in a warehouse at the time of my death. And before you ask, giving you access to this information won't give you any more power as 'L' or anything like that. Although you will be given some advantage in being able to know my past as a detective."

"...But I still don't understand. Why didn't you just have the files destroyed in the event of your death?"

L glanced downwards, his eyes becoming uncertain again. "I suppose I was... indecisive about having them destroyed. Some of those files were very important to me—and still are. But the more I've had time to think about it after my death, the more it bothers me to leave them there. I'm hesitant to do this, but it's better if they're destroyed rather than found by someone else."

Light's expression had returned mostly to normal. "And you're willing to let me have access to such information?"

"It's not like I have much choice—you're the only one I can talk to," L answered. "And like I said, I am hesitant to do this. You will learn things about me that you will not like. Contrary to what you might think, I've liked these conversations we've had, Light, but I fear once you learn about me you will no longer... That things wont be the same."

Light found it hard to believe that, but it made him curious as to what exactly was contained in these files. "Come on, can it really be that bad?"

"I suppose it's for you to decide. But either way, I'm willing to take that chance. And I suppose it would be a fair trade, since I know so much about you."

Light folded his arms and thought about what L had said. "You know I've got to ask this. What if this is just a trap?"

"You already know my answer to that," L answered. "But all the same, you're right not to trust me. If you think it's a trap, you don't have to go there. Perhaps you could find some other way to retrieve the files without having to potentially endanger yourself. I'm not really concerned how you do it."

"And what if I don't want to get this information at all?"

"...Maybe it's better, if you don't. I certainly can't make you do it. But if you do want to, it would be better if you did it soon. Tomorrow even, if possible. I don't think my time here is very long, and it would be better if you destroy it while I am here for it to have a greater chance of impacting me."

L went quiet, then, giving Light a chance to think about his words. It wasn't all that farfetched for L to ask him to do something like this, Light thought. No matter what information Light found, he wouldn't be able to reveal it to anyone else anyway—he was the one posing as L, after all, and had to keep up those appearances. What Light would choose to do with the files if he got a hold of them was another question, however. But L knew he was taking a chance by asking Light to do this in the first place.

"Alright, if I do this," Light said after a long silence, "where do I need to go?"

"Right... I suppose I'll have to tell you that," L answered, looking for a moment uncertain again. Then all hesitance seemed to leave his expression, and he began his instructions. "I kept the files at the Yellowbox warehouse, located at..."

* * *

Light went there the next evening, after much deliberation. He brought Misa along as a precaution—because if it really was a trap of some sort, then Misa's eyes might prove invaluable. Of course, he didn't explain to her why they were going to some abandoned warehouse in the middle of the night. But Misa didn't question him.

If things went as L said, then tonight would prove for certain L's existence as a ghost—not that Light had much doubt of it any longer. Still, it would be good to settle this matter once and for all. And no matter what L said, having access to such information might prove useful to Light in the future.

It was dark when they got there, and they had to use a flashlight to find the entrance. Ryuk followed silently behind them. The lot was completely empty, as was the surrounding area, and it seemed a very desolate place. But despite the eeriness, it reassured Light, because it seemed like somewhere that L might choose to hold such information.

When they reached the door, Light stopped, shining the flashlight over it. It looked exactly like the one L had described, and as Light looked at it he felt his heart rate quicken. As L had told him, there was a lock on the door, one too intricate for some abandoned warehouse. And apparently, as an extra precaution—because it was L, and L always used extra precautions—the door was time locked at all times except for midnight.

Already this was proof enough that L was really here. The warehouse, the lock—there was no way Light could have invented something in his mind like this, and the chances were too low for it to just be a coincidence.

He glanced down at his watch; almost 15 minutes until midnight. If he did this, he would have only one minute to open it, or else he would have to try again another night.

He could turn back now, if he wanted. A part of him was still nervous about doing this—he couldn't shake the feeling that he would be putting himself in danger if he went any further. This was L he was dealing with, after all, and even if L couldn't do anything in his current state, perhaps this was something he had set up long ago, when he had still been alive. A last resort to capture Kira.

And yet... that idea didn't seem right either. It seemed hard to believe that L would do something only now, after it had been so long. And even while he still mistrusted L, somehow Light was equally as certain that L might be telling him the truth this time.

And so Light waited, as hesitant as he was decided, each minute bringing the hour slowly closer to midnight.

"It's creepy here, Light," Misa said suddenly. "I don't like it."

"It's not so bad. There's plenty of creepier places in the _shinigami_ realm." Ryuk broke in. "Oh," he gave a short laugh, "I think I'm confusing creepy with boring."

Light ignored them, intent on his watch.

Four minutes left. Wait sixty seconds.

Three minutes. Wait another sixty seconds.

Two minutes. Wait again.

One minute. Then wait once more. The longest minute...

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine...

12:00 a.m.

Light hesitated at the door. Time was still passing.

He reached up to the lock, and then typed the code smoothly from memory. It gave a high pitched beep and then the lock clicked. Light reached out his arm, and turned the handle.

The door opened.

He should leave now. It was just him and Misa, after all, and anything could be in there. He could always come back later. It would be better to do something like this with more preparation—or not at all.

"Are we going to go inside?" Misa asked. He could tell she was hoping that he'd tell her no, and that they would go back instead.

For a moment longer, Light stood there, silent. Then he entered the building, and Misa followed close behind him. Suddenly, the lights switched on, bright and blinding to their night-adjusted eyes and surprising them both. But nothing else happened. Automatic, then—probably connected to the lock somehow, or motion sensors.

"Misa, wait here. Keep your guard up. And block the door with something so it doesn't close." Light told her. He wouldn't make a stupid mistake like getting locked inside.

"Okay," she said, then slipped her shoe off.

After he had made certain Misa properly blocked the door, Light moved further inside, passing through a short hallway before entering the main area. It was large, but mostly empty, except for several old crates sitting next to the walls and something small and flat lying in the center of the room. All was quiet, aside from the hum of the lights.

For some reason, Light had been expecting more than this.

Stepping quietly so his footsteps were barely audible, Light walked to the area where the object on the floor was. When he got closer, he saw it was a manila envelope.

Was that it? It couldn't possibly contain all the information on L's past cases—or did it just give directions to where the real location was? Or was it something else entirely, and the files were in the crates instead?

He stopped in front of it. Uncertain now, he scanned the area once more—empty—and then leaned down and picked up the envelope. The ominous feeling from before had grown even stronger now, but despite the feeling, he didn't leave. He had to find out what this was about now that he was here.

Carefully, Light opened the envelope. He took out the paper that was inside, and then paled visibly when he read what was on it.

"Impossible…"

His hands were tense, his heart racing, but still he didn't move.

All this time... But what did it mean?

 _'You lost.'_ Were the only words written on the note.

 


	10. Perilune

_"Oh no, not me,_  
_I never lost control_  
_You're face_  
_to face_  
_With the man who sold the world."_

Light turned the paper over, but there was nothing on the other side. A feeling of dread had risen in his stomach, and his hands shook as he braced himself for what he thought would certainly come next.

He waited, but nothing happened. Moments passed, and the warehouse remained just as empty and silent as it had before he'd read the note. No sirens, no police, no secret task force—no one had come to apprehend him.

Quickly, Light went over the evening before when he had spoken with L, searching for something, anything that would indicate what this all meant.

If this really was a setup, it still didn't make any sense. Why here, and why now? No matter how he looked at it, he couldn't find an answer to those basic questions.

Light's senses had been made acute by his situation, and he suddenly became aware of another presence behind him, one that wasn't Ryuk and was too quiet to be Misa.

He turned around, only to meet L's eyes, standing no more than a few meters from him.

"L," Light greeted, as if he had been expecting him.

L stood, hands in his pockets, feet bare on the concrete, still and silent as stone. His body seemed even more real under the fluorescence of the warehouse than in the dimly lit room of Light's apartment.

Light remained still, keeping his face calm. There was nothing in his expression to betray the whirlwind of thoughts going through him at that moment. Unfortunately, L was just as good at that sort of thing. They were two still portraits, one staring at the other, while the background remained unchanged. The lights hummed above them, and a moth flew haphazardly about. On the far side of the building, high on the wall, an industrial fan creaked as it turned from an outside current of air.

After the silence had gone on too long, Light finally spoke.

"What does this mean?" He lifted his hand slightly with the paper in it, but otherwise was still.

L looked at the paper, then back to him. His expression didn't change. "It means exactly what it says, Light. You lost—a long time ago."

Light felt his heart beating in his chest.

"Is this about the others you mentioned? The ones who'd come after me? Did you lure me into their trap, somehow?"

"No. That was a lie, mostly. There isn't anyone after you right now except me."

Light's heart beat faster, dizzying him. He took a slow breath, trying to steady his nerves.

"What do you mean? You can't do anything. You said yourself that you've already tried."

"I may have said a lot of things," L answered ambiguously, shifting his arms as if uncomfortable, but keeping his hands in his pockets.

"I still don't understand," Light said, uncertainty slipping into his voice.

"What you're saying is true for the most part—or it _was_ ," L clarified, "But not for the reasons you think."

The fact was that L was here, and it wasn't 2 a.m. According to L, he had appeared once at the old headquarters and once at his grave outside of that time range. But Light hadn't seen him in either case. He'd only had L's word on it.

"So you could do anything if you wanted to? You aren't really bound to one place or time in the afterlife?"

L shook his head. "You're still asking the wrong questions."

Light's jaw tensed, his hands clenching slightly. "Then what the hell am I supposed to ask?"

"What other option is there?" L's eyes peered into Light's, as if expecting Light to know just by looking at them. But Light didn't want to know. He didn't want to think about what the other option might be.

"If you're not insane, and you're not seeing ghosts, what am I?"

"It can't be..." Light took another breath to steady himself. His hands were still clenched, and he forced them to relax.

There was no use denying it anymore. Quietly, the thought had entered Light's mind, and it wouldn't leave now that he'd thought it. He had always pushed it aside, before, and for good reason. Because if it was right, it meant he would have to start all over again. At the beginning. And this time, he would have to assume that just maybe, L had never...

Light swallowed, his lips dry.

"You mean that all this time... you never died?"

A short, but heavy silence settled, only to be broken by heavier words.

"That's right," L said.

* * *

The paper in Light's hand was damp with sweat, and slowly crinkled as he processed L's words.

Frantically, he replayed L's death, almost two years ago now, desperately searching for any mistake he'd made, anything he'd overlooked.

"But Rem killed you and Watari. I saw you die."

"It appeared that way, didn't it?" L responded, his eyes dark and alive. "I was afraid you'd see through that part of it, but it seemed you wanted my death so much that even that part wasn't difficult to pull off."

Light had never even checked L's pulse. He'd just assumed, with Rem and everything else; the hospital; and his father had confirmed it, too—But why would L wait until now to do anything? It still made no sense. A hundred thoughts were running through his head, but none of them came even close to explaining that question.

"If Rem didn't kill you, then where is she?"

"She was alive until a short while ago. She hid herself from you, though she was never far away. I have her to thank for helping me solve the Kira case."

_Rem? L had been helped by Rem?_

But if Rem had been alive before, she wouldn't have let L harm Light or Misa while she was alive, and that might explain L's actions until now. But if she was gone, then there was nothing stopping L anymore. Was that what this was?

But why would she even decide to help L in the first place? And how had she died? Misa was still here, so...

And that was another thing. "Misa!" Light said her name in realization. "Why didn't she see you on that night?"

"I would have to assume that she lied."

Light's eyes narrowed. "Misa!" he said out louder, calling to her now. A deep, irreversible rage was starting to build inside of him, replacing the shock he had first felt, as he slowly fit more of the pieces together.

"I noticed you brought her along," L commented. "So you still didn't trust me, after all this time..."

_Bastard._

Misa stepped out from around the corner, eyes low to the ground.

"Light...?"

Light fixed her with a cold stare. "Is it true, Misa? Could you see him the entire time?"

"I'm—I'm sorry. I had to!" Her eyes filled with desperation. "Please don't think I did it to hurt you..." she trailed off, then, unable to find the right words to continue.

Light turned back to L. "Do the others know? Does my father?"

It wouldn't make any sense if they did. Light would have no doubt noticed it in their behavior by now.

But he hadn't noticed Misa, so...

"They all think I'm dead, just as you did," L confirmed. "But you can be assured that even if I die tonight, your identity as Kira will be revealed, and you will be punished suitably. There is no escape for Kira."

"Light," Misa spoke up again, her words desperate once more. "You'll forgive me, won't you? If I had said anything, then Ryuzaki would have taken you away, and you would have been locked up or killed. It was the only choice!"

To think he had actually once thought she could be useful to him.

Come to think of it, how had L even found his way in here without Light noticing? He hadn't heard anyone come through the door, and there was only one other entrance to the building that he knew of, which was in plain sight. L could not have come in through there.

He looked to Misa again, his expression even colder. "You let L in through the door, didn't you?"

Misa looked guiltily downwards.

There was no doubt about it, then.

"I can't forgive you for this, Misa. No matter what the risk was, you should have told me," Light began coldly, then lost control of his words, spitting his next ones out in frustration. "There was always that choice!"

"Light, please, I..." she wavered a moment, looking away, and Light didn't think she was going say anything more. Then she seemed to find some sort of resolve again, and turned back towards Light, although she did not look directly at him.

"I know you never really cared about me," Misa began, something sincere in her voice that Light had never heard before. "This whole thing, living together and all that... we were both pretending, I know." She swallowed, then carefully looked up to Light. "But it was nice, wasn't it? Even if it wasn't true, we both got to have what we wanted for a while. Even if I..."

Tears were building up in her eyes, but she managed to hold them back for the most part. "Please, Light," she said, taking a hold of Light's arm, "you have to forgive me!"

Light ripped his arm away from her, and stepped away, his eyes turning deep with rage. "No, Misa. You betrayed me. I could have found a way out of this if you had told me."

Misa let out a cry, and fell to her knees. "I didn't mean to, Light. I didn't mean..." She choked up, and shook her head, tears finally streaming down her cheeks.

Light watched her cry in silence. His eyes flickered to L, and then away, before he stepped closer again.

"There is one thing left that you can do to redeem yourself, Misa."

Misa wiped her tears uselessly, and then looked up, a glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Yes...?"

"Do you know what L's true name is?"

The hope faded from her eyes, and Misa glanced hesitantly at L, who didn't attempt to hide his face. "I've seen it. But..."

"Light," L interrupted them. "Misa won't kill me." His words sounded certain. "You have another option. I said that if I died, you would be turned in as Kira, but if I live, that doesn't have to be the case."

Light ignored him.

One thing was certain, and that was that there was no way he was letting L get out of here alive tonight. Anger pulsed through his veins at the very thought of it. He didn't know for certain if L had told him his true name before, but even if it was the truth, he still didn't know how to spell it. But Misa had seen it.

"Misa. Don't listen to L. He's not getting out of this, no matter what. This is the only way I will forgive you."

If this really was the end of Kira, then it would be the end of L, too.

"But Light, if I do that..."

"I don't care what he has told you. Will you listen to him over me?"

"I-I..." Misa stuttered, looking ready to break down again.

"Misa," L said. "This is your choice. But you already know that if you kill me, you will never be with Light again, and Light won't be happy where he is either."

"Misa, you love me, don't you? This is the only thing that will make me happy. I don't care what the consequences are. L must die. That is all I want." If not by the death note then by Light's own hands.

"I..." she hesitated, not looking at either of them, and then swallowed.

"I'll do it." She slowly took out the death note she had hidden on her, her hand shaking as she held a pen over it. Tears were drying on her cheeks, but her face was steady. "I value Light's happiness over my own."

"No, use this instead," Light said, taking a page of death note he had hidden on himself and handing it to her. He could no longer trust Misa in the same way that he had before, and he couldn't take the chance that L had switched Misa's death note with a fake one when L had entered the building.

Misa took the piece of the death note without a word, placing it on the notebook to use as a surface to write on.

Once she had taken it, Light moved closer to L, making sure he wouldn't try to grab the page from Misa while she wrote on it. But L made no such movement, and stood calmly in place.

"Don't you want to hear your other option first?" was all L asked him.

"No. I've had enough of your speeches." Whatever L was going to say would be a completely useless negotiation. L would never let Light continue on as Kira, at any rate, and that was the only thing Light would settle for. "You should have died months ago."

As Misa wrote, a brief feeling of doubt passed over Light. Could L have somehow switched the death note or its pages before they had left? But Light had tested it earlier, and the deaths had still been occurring since earlier that evening, so there was little chance that L had somehow tampered with it since then. Reassured, he looked over at Misa.

"I wrote it," she said, her voice weak.

Light smirked, and glanced at his watch. "Misa, bring it to me."

He took the death note along with the page he had given her, and looked down at the part she'd written on. What was empty only moments before, now contained a new name.

L Lawliet.

"So you didn't lie, when you told me your name."

"No," L said. "I wanted you to know it."

But something still seemed wrong about this. Why would L have let himself be killed here so easily? Shouldn't he have been prepared for Light to do something like this? But Light remained firm that the death note had not been tampered with before they had arrived.

"Why aren't you frightened? You don't have much longer, L."

"It's true that I don't want to die, but..." L's eyes focused away from him, as if in thought. "I'm not afraid of death. Perhaps I've spent too much time being a ghost to really care about things like that any longer." He looked at Light. "Why aren't you frightened, Light? When I die, all is lost for you. You can't hide who you are anymore."

"I'd rather live in that world than in the one where you still reign. If Kira dies today, so do you."

L's eyes drifted to Light's watch. "It should be about time, then. Right?" he asked.

Light raised his arm, looking at the red second hand as it completed another circle.

His eyes widened.

It had been over a minute. Much longer than it should have taken for L to have died.

He turned sharply to Misa. "Misa! Is that really his name? Tell me the truth!"

"Yes! I'm not lying! I wrote what I saw! Please believe me!"

"Don't take this out on Misa. I told you she wouldn't kill me that way. She can't. It didn't work the first time, and it won't work now."

A sudden thought hit Light, and he felt incredibly angry at himself for not realizing it until now. If Rem had never died until recently, then whose death note had he had all this time? A death note that he had written countless names in?

He had kept Rem's death note stored away after L's first appearances in case anything were to happen to the one at his apartment, but before then, he had used it frequently and the criminals had been reported dead, so it couldn't have been a fake. Had Rem given it to him willingly, then? But that didn't seem right either…

No, it didn't seem right that L would have let him continue to kill criminals without doing anything about it. It didn't seem like him at all.

Unless...

No. It couldn't be. L could never have managed it, but...

It was the only other option that fit.

"Then the death notes have always been..." Light began, unable to voice the conclusion he'd made.

When L saw that Light wasn't going to say it, he finished the sentence for him.

"Fake," he said, looking curiously at Light. "You honestly thought I would have let you continue to use the real death notes all this time?"

"But when? There were still deaths being reported! You couldn't possibly have..."

But L's stare said it all. Somehow, against all odds, he had done it.

"You put too much trust in the death notes, Light. I had access to the notebooks you wrote the names on. I knew every name you wrote down. Their deaths were just as real as my death was. I figured you wouldn't pay much attention to the criminals who were already dead, anyway, and that helped somewhat."

"You actually..." Light still couldn't quite believe it. "But how? You couldn't possibly have managed to hide the fact that their deaths were being faked for so long!"

"I may have lost my name to you, but didn't lose much else, Light," L said. "Though it did become much easier once you became reliant on the internet to do your work."

Light went pale. Had he felt this subconsciously all along, the power that L still had? Ever since he had first appeared, that night…

A sentence came to Light out of nowhere, and he suddenly remembered the dream he'd once had, and the words that Misora had said.

_"Kira is L, and L is Kira. But which devoured which?"_

"It was a pretty nice deal, wasn't it?" L continued, seeming content with himself. "Pretending that the murders were still happening, and keeping the crime rate down at the same time."

All this time Light hadn't even been eliminating criminals. All his efforts over the past year... all of it for nothing!

Light could contain his rage no longer, and lunged at L, dropping the fake death note and the piece with L's name on it behind him.

L tensed, as if bracing for impact, but managed to evade him at the last moment.

"Light, please. Fighting this way is useless."

"I've been such an idiot," Light breathed. "I should have figured this out long ago."

"There was no way you could have known." L's words echoed the ones Light had used on him once. It only made Light angrier.

His hands curled into fists, and he prepared to attack L again, but stopped when he heard a snicker in the background.

Light took a deep breath, managing to restrain himself for the moment. There was something else he had to deal with, first.

"I haven't forgotten about you either, Ryuk. So you were in this, too, all along?" He spoke, without turning his head to look at the _shinigami._

"It was nothing against you, Light," Ryuk answered him. "I agreed not to spill L's secret simply for the reason that L makes things a whole lot more entertaining than when it's just you around. It was either that or kill you right then and there. I thought this would be the better option."

"Light," L spoke, "there is one rule about the death notes that I'm not sure if you're aware of. If the death note is lost or stolen, the person will lose ownership after 490 days if it is not found."

"I was aware of it," Light said.

"How many days do you think it has been since I took the death note from you?"

Light swallowed, feeling dread rise in him once more.

"You will lose your memory tonight, no matter what," L finished.

"How long do I have?" Light asked.

"Two hours, at most."

"I still don't understand. Why did you wait this long? You could have burned the death notes and accomplished the same thing."

"I had an agreement with Rem."

Light couldn't believe that, though. "You wanted the notebooks for yourself."

"I didn't destroy them, whatever the reason."

"It still doesn't explain why you brought me here—why you're telling me all this if I've already lost. To rub it in my face before I forget?"

L looked doubtful a moment, then shrugged. "I suppose I wanted to have a chance to explain all of this to you before you lost your memories, and it was safer doing it in a place like this than at your apartment."

Light scrutinized L, and then his surroundings. Misa was still kneeling on the floor, silent now, and Ryuk was hovering quietly beside him. The door in sight was probably locked, as was the one he had come in through, no doubt, if Misa had been cooperating with L. His eyes searched for any other possible route of exit.

At last, he turned back to L, then relaxed his arms, gesturing them slightly with his palms facing up, as if admitting defeat.

"Fine, L. Tell me how you did it."

L looked surprised a moment at Light's apparent cooperation, but soon his features smoothed into calmness once more.

"Like I said earlier, all of this is thanks to Rem. If not for her, I doubt that either of us would be here right now."

Light listened patiently as L spoke, his attention focused fully on the detective.

On the surface, it would seem Light had lost. His thoughts were not completely consumed by defeat, however. Not yet. There was still a chance of getting out of this, after all.

Light held back a grin, and if L had been any closer to him he might have beheld something distinctly diabolical in Light's eyes.

_You will die before the night is over, L._

L didn't know it—he couldn't know it. Light had spoken about nearly everything to L, but he had never mentioned the exact details of how Higuchi had been killed. It had been one last secret he had kept to himself. And the answer was right there, on his wrist. Light had always carried a piece of death note folded inside of his watch, and aside from removing the part containing Higuchi's name, the watch's contents had never been changed.

Light still had a piece of the original death note.

 


	11. Lying Monsters

" _Don't you understand? What you take into your hands, you take into your heart."_

— _Witness (1985)_

It was well after midnight, two days after Higuchi's death. Misa had been released, and Light and the rest of the team were all asleep—excluding L, that was, who aside from Rem was the only one that had remained awake.

Unfortunately, with L's irregular sleeping habits it meant that for so many hours each night Light wouldn't be able to monitor their discussions. He could not very well remain awake all hours of the day to watch over L without the detective becoming suspicious. L was already suspicious enough of Light as it was, despite the two rules that had apparently cleared him of guilt.

And so that evening, to no great surprise to Rem, L had asked if he could speak with her.

Light would not want this, Rem knew, but there was really no other way around it. She had to seem impartial, and if she refused to speak to L for no apparent reason he might become suspicious of her motivations. Light would just have to trust her enough that she would not to make a mistake that would endanger him or Misa.

But Light wouldn't have to worry. L would find nothing from her, just as he had found nothing from his previous questionings. As long as she remained careful, there was no harm in speaking to L alone, Rem reassured herself.

Besides, Rem thought, there was something about this human that intrigued her, just as she had become intrigued by Light over time. They were not like other humans. Not like Higuchi. Far from it. They did not seem to be motivated by money, or lust, or power for power's sake. Something else drove them. It made her curious to learn more about what made them so different from the rest of their kind.

So often the human species disgusted Rem. Even her fellow _shinigami_ fell under the same description more often than not. But strangely, she had come to respect Light and his ambitions, and she wondered if under different circumstances she would feel the same respect for L were he not a danger to Misa's life. A funny thing, he was so similar in appearance to Gelus, the hunched _shinigami_ that died protecting Misa, and yet L might be the one to harm Misa in the end, and not help her. He had already imprisoned Misa once, and Rem could tell that he still did not fully trust any of the events that had led to Misa's and Light's release.

But Rem had not forgotten Light's earlier threats to Misa's life, either. In the end, neither of them could be trusted when it came to Misa's safety. That duty fell solely to herself.

L was sitting on a couch in the main work area, some distance away from the computers. His coffee, probably well over-sweetened, had long since gone cold. The death note lay nearby it, though L didn't seem to pay it any attention.

"Thank you for agreeing to speak to me at this hour, _shinigami-san,_ " L began, in a respectful tone.

Rem looked down at him. "I will answer any questions I can, human. The time of day does not matter to a _shinigami_ ," Rem replied, each sentence slow and measured.

"Thank you," L said. "However, I do not have any questions in mind at the moment."

"Then what is it you wish to speak about?" Rem did not show her puzzlement, but underneath she had reacted acutely to L's statement. He had only asked her questions up until now. What could he possibly have to say to her?

"I would like to tell you something, now that we are alone," L said, his expression unchanging. He picked up his coffee, but changed his mind and set it back down again. "Questions will come later," he said, then waited for Rem to respond.

"Speak, then." Rem was beginning to feel nervous. Questions, she could answer, or give some kind of vague response to, but how was she supposed to respond to this type of exchange?

She soon saw that her nervousness was not unfounded.

"As you know, I have suspected Light to be the original Kira all along," L began, matter-of-factly, after a brief silence. "If this is true, then eventually he will be exposed as Kira, whether it is by me or another. There is no escape for him."

The silence returned again as he waited for her response.

"It is not of my concern what happens to him," Rem said, choosing her words carefully, glad that _shinigami_ were good at maintaining a calm outward appearance when they needed to. But she could not help but glance to the screens that had shown Misa's room—where she had been confined until her release earlier that day. "However, I know nothing about Light Yagami being this Kira that you seek," she finished, and hoped that L had not seen her eyes waver.

Thankfully, he did not appear to notice, and continued.

"That is a shame, because if you did, and you were willing to answer my questions, then I believe I would be able to stop Kira without endangering his life, or anyone else who has worked with him."

It was a trick, it had to be. But her curiosity got the better of her, and she had to ask.

"How would you manage that?"

L picked up his coffee once more, pausing a moment as he held it. "If it's true what I think; that those who have used the death note can lose their memory of it, then I might be able to use that to Kira's disadvantage. But I can't do it if I don't know all the details." He looked down at his cup, but still did not drink from it. "There might be other ways as well."

"But why would you want to do that in the first place? Aren't you doing this so you can find and punish Kira?"

"I'm here to solve this case, and that is all," L said. He turned his head slightly to the side, eyes dark and more difficult to read than a _shinigami'_ s. "But personally, I believe it better not to expose Kira to the world. I would rather he disappear silently. That would be a better punishment for him, I think—to live as a normal human being, and not as a god or a martyr."

"So if you had your way, Kira would live a normal life, unaware of who he had been?"

"Yes."

Rem stood there, astonished.

_How had he done it? How had he found her weakness?_

She found herself needing to take a breath, and the addition of oxygen seemed to help her thoughts some. She didn't need much; this air was so thick with the substance compared to the _shinigami_ realm.

It did not matter how he had done it, Rem decided. L _knew_... and no matter what the 13-day rule told him he would always know that Light was Kira. He was too smart to be fooled for very long by such deceptive evidence, no matter how skillfully Light had planted it. No doubt L would try to test these rules soon if Rem did not reveal anything to him tonight.

Rem took another breath.

She was hoping it would not have to come to this—after all, it did mean she had to die. But it was the only way to spare Misa, now. L had left her with no choice.

She would have to kill him.

Automatically, her arm went for her death note.

It wouldn't take long. She could do it now, before anyone else would notice. And kill that other human too—Watari—just to make certain Light and Misa would be safe from them. The rest of the task force Light would be able to control, she knew.

L seemed to be watching her intently, and Rem realized she still hadn't responded to him. But it didn't matter any longer. She wouldn't have to keep up appearances anymore.

 _Unless_...

Her arm stopped mid-movement. She let her arm drift back, making it seem as if the motion had been natural.

Maybe she had been looking at this all wrong. Even if L was lying right now, Rem still had the upper hand. He seemed desperate, and had likely come to her as a last resort.

And if he was telling the truth...

There were two options apparent to her right now. She could die now, and take L with her. Or she could wait, and see what L's plan was. If he was lying, she would find out and could kill him then before any harm was done. If he wasn't lying, then she would be able to survive and continue to protect Misa.

She might have to go against Light's wishes for the latter option... but if he would not truly come to harm, like L said, then Misa could still be happy with him. Kira or not.

L's earlier words rang through her head. If he did not catch Kira, then someone else probably would. It mattered little how intelligent Light was. There would always be people after him. Misa would always be in danger with that kind of lifestyle.

If only she had never brought the death note to Misa in the first place, Rem thought. Then Misa wouldn't have had to go through any of this. She would have been happier without Light. But Rem had given the notebook to her, and these were the consequences. She could try to undo some of the damage she had done, or she could take L with her now and leave Light and Misa to their fate.

Rem opened her mouth to speak. She had made her decision.

"If I help you, know this first: if you are lying to me about your intentions, I will kill you."

L heard her words, and seemed to relax slightly, as if he had also realized Rem's thoughts and been fearful of the outcome.

"That would be acceptable," he agreed. "But it will not be necessary, I assure you."

* * *

If L didn't think of something soon, he was going to die.

It hadn't been a lie, exactly, when he said he knew a way to stop Kira without him coming to harm, but it had been closer to that than to the truth.

He appeared to have been right, at least, about Rem's part in this. Her aloofness to L's questions was what originally made him suspect it, since any question that he asked which had the possibility to incriminate Light or Misa, Rem would never give a definite answer to. Whenever humans acted that way, it meant they were either trying to protect themselves, or protect somebody else.

It also seemed he had been right about Light and Misa losing their memories. It made sense, in a way, that such a phenomenon existed, if the _shinigami_ did. If _shinigami_ were real, and had always existed, why else would there be no evidence of them after so many thousands of years? Either the appearances of death notes in the human world were so rare and short-lived that all accounts been lost to legend until a more technologically advanced culture had come along, or there was some way to erase the knowledge of the death notes and the _shinigami_ from human memory.

He would have to make his way carefully, now, if he had any chance of defeating Kira after this. But for the moment, he needed to focus on getting more information from Rem. He had little time to work with before Light would wake. And many details would still need to be worked out.

"I don't know how you figured out what my weakness was," Rem continued, "but since you did, I will answer truthfully any question you ask, as long as you remember that one condition."

"I will remember it," L said, steadily meeting her eyes.

"Good," Rem answered. "Then where do you want to begin?"

L wasted no time in asking her.

"Right," L nodded, his feet digging into the fabric of the couch. " _Shinigami_ —Rem. Tell me how you first met Light Yagami. The original Kira."

It seemed to take a while before Rem answered, though it could not have been more than a short span of seconds.

"I will have to go back further than that to answer your question," Rem explained. "To the day I first met Misa."

* * *

Rem told him everything she knew, condensing it as much as she was able to. L interrupted her as little as possible, usually only to clarify something about Light's plan or the notebooks.

It was fortunate that she had researched the rules regarding the death notes a little before bringing one to the human world. Otherwise she would never have known some of the things that L asked about. She just hoped that it would be enough.

"So that was Light's plan all along..." L said, as Rem finished. "I may be in danger as we speak. Are you certain Misa no longer has her memories aside from what you have told her?"

"I am certain."

"We must carefully monitor Light and Misa's interactions over the next few days. He may have her retrieve the second death note, wherever it is hidden. And if her memories come back..."

Rem's eyes widened in realization. "You think Light will have her...?"

"Indeed. She saw me before I arrested her for being the second Kira. But it has been almost 12 hours since her release earlier today, and I am still alive for the moment. She may not have found it yet, or she has since forgotten my true name."

"It has been months. Even if she finds the notebook, she might not remember it," Rem said.

"I am hoping for that. However, I would still be dead within a few days, with or without Misa's help."

Rem started. "What do you mean?"

"If Misa could not kill me, then Light was relying on you to do it for him. I would no doubt have tried to test the rules, and if I could disprove them, Misa would be in danger again. The only option would have been for you to kill me," L said, looking at Rem. "In that scenario, Light wins no matter what. His plan is foolproof." L paused, then corrected himself. " _Was._ "

This human was smart. Not even she had suspected completely until now what Lights plan was, and the detective had guessed it in less than an hour.

"Then what is your plan?"

"The solution is simple. We must obtain the other death note, and then hold Light the 490 days until he loses his memories, after which—"

"Destroying the death notes would work just as well," Rem interrupted. She had already explained to him that the rule about destroying the death note after touching it was fake. Had he already forgotten?

"...I would rather avoid that, if possible," L replied coolly. "We can hold Light in a cell, and let Misa remain free if she is willing to give up her memories again."

"I can't allow that."

"Why not?" L asked, a hint of annoyance entering his voice. "Light will still be released afterward."

But Rem remained resolute. "This will be done without Light or Misa being imprisoned."

"Misa could still visit him. I don't see the problem."

"I don't care if you burn the notebooks," Rem repeated. It was something that a _shinigami_ couldn't do, but for humans it was perfectly fine. "Just don't lock Light up. Misa won't be happy that way. Remember the agreement you made."

"I am well aware of it."

"Then is this what you mean by your plan?"

"Please give me a minute to think," L said, avoiding her question, and then cupped his hands over his knees.

Rem allowed him silence, but she did not allow him the comfort of thinking alone. Her presence would have to remind him that her priorities were also his. There was no backing out of this now.

L's brow contorted in concentration. He seemed to slouch further and further, as if his thoughts had weight to them, pressing him down further as they increased in complexity. Rem wondered how long he could last before he became overwhelmed by them. The hour was late, after all, and she did not know the last time he had slept. Didn't humans need sleep to function? Certainly they must, even for L.

After a while, L's eyes shut, but his brow did not relax. Minutes passed, and Rem continued to wait.

She thought he had finally fallen asleep, when his eyes shot open again, and he glanced at the death note on the table in front him. He picked it up, scrutinizing it closely and flipping through its pages, before letting it rest by his side.

"I think I know what to do. It's going to be difficult, but it will benefit everyone if it works."

"What is it?"

"I'll explain in a moment. I just have one more thing to ask you, _shinigami_."

"What is it?"

"Can you help me die?"

* * *

"I took a great risk, doing this. But it worked out in the end," L said, at the warehouse presently once more.

Light was silent.

"It was a brilliant plan you had," L continued. "I should have died, that day, according to it. But nothing can ever go exactly according to plan when you're playing with so many variables."

"490 days would have been... the fifth, right? The morning of the day of your death."

"That's right," L said.

"So you replicated the death notes and switched them," Light reasoned. "And Rem's notebook was never real to begin with."

"Correct."

"But how did you make a fake of Misa's so quickly?" L would have had to have taken the original from her after she found it, copied it, then replaced it again without her noticing.

"It took a little while longer to replace hers. I had Wedy's help with that—yes, she's still alive, too. But Misa will be willing to give up ownership on her own once you have lost your memories."

Light could use this... He wouldn't be able to keep his memories with just a piece of the death note hidden in his watch, but if Misa gave up her ownership, and Light got a hold of her death note, or managed to find his again, he would be able to retain his memories. The death notes would have to be somewhere nearby, though, if that had any chance of working. Would Watari be around? If he was, the death notes could be nearby, in case L's plan didn't work out somehow and they had to destroy the notebooks. It was possible that L had prepared for something like that.

"That still doesn't explain how Misa knows about all of this. And why Rem is gone," Light said aloud.

"Rem's death was something out of my control," L said.

Misa, who had been staring at the floor, lifted her head at L's words.

"I was there when Rem died, Light," Misa spoke up. "It was about a month ago, now, I think. She... saved me from an accident. But a while before that happened, Rem was the first one to tell me what was really going on. I didn't know anything at first, Light, I promise!"

"It's alright, Misa," Light said. "Explain how you found out."

"Well..." she began, "One night, when I got home late from a film shoot, I saw someone who looked like Ryuzaki leave our apartment building. No one else could look as weird as him, so I became suspicious about it. He didn't seem to see me... but I think it was on purpose, now, that I saw him." She glanced at L, but he didn't appear to react to her statements.

"Anyways, I went inside, and I was going to wake you up to tell you, when someone stopped me from behind. It was Rem. She explained that she had been here the whole time, and that she was here to protect us. She told me that L had promised not to harm you or me, and that when the time was right I would have to give up my memories, and I'd be able to live a normal life with you—but it would all be ruined if I didn't keep quiet or if I tried to harm L in some way."

It must have happened around the time he had been planning to see if Misa could prove L was real or not, thought Light. He doubted it had been a part of L's original plan.

"Did Rem tell you about the death notes, too?"

"No," Misa shook her head. "I thought they were real. I didn't lie to you about that!"

"What Misa said is correct," L affirmed. "Her discovery of me was planned, after it became apparent you would use her to test my existence. Rem did not care to do it, but we had little choice by then. And if at any time you realized I wasn't dead, I was prepared to administer an anesthetic, and you would have been held somewhere until you lost your memories. But only as a last resort, as promised with Rem."

_An anesthetic..._

"You did use it, once. The night I was sick."

"L scratched his head. "Yes, unfortunately. You were becoming too suspicious that night. I hadn't expected it with your fever."

Light fumed. "You _drugged_ me."

"It was to protect you as much as me. I knew you were Kira, Light. I could have done much worse to you than that.

"Using that as an excuse to do whatever you want... how typical of you, L. Monitoring us like that, faking the deaths... Seems like a lot of trouble to go through. Even for you."

"It was difficult, that's true," L didn't deny it.

"So why do it this way? Why bother pretending you were a ghost? What was the point of it, other than making me feel like I was going insane?"

"I wanted information," L said neutrally. "It was the only way we could be honest with each other."

"You mean the only way _I_ could be honest with you—you were never honest with me."

"But we didn't have the barriers like we had before," L said, something different in his voice. "Like now."

"You are forgetting something." Ryuk interrupted them. They all turned to look at him.

Ryuk's eyes were on L. "I know you want to keep Light alive, but I made a promise to him long ago that it would be me who writes his name down in the end. And it looks like his time is finally up. It won't be any fun anymore once Light loses his memories."

 _No, not yet_ , Light thought. How could he tell Ryuk that he could still get out of this, without revealing it to L?

"If that's what you want," L said, "I can't stop you."

"Wait!" Misa said, looking frantically at Ryuk. "You don't really mean that, do you Ryuk?"

"Sorry, Misa, but I do."

Her eyes widened slowly in horror, before all hope seemed to flicker out of them. She lowered her head, and slumped her shoulders, her hands the only thing holding herself up on the floor.

"Then kill me too, Ryuk," she said. Her eyes squeezed shut. "I can't live without Light!"

"Sorry Misa, but the only name I'm writing in my notebook is Light's."

_So this was how it was going to end?_

"I have a proposition, Ryuk."

Ryuk turned his head. It was L that had spoken.

"Heh. Okay. Let's hear it, then."

"You could kill Light now, and that would be fine. He deserves it, certainly, though I don't think that's why you're doing it. But what then?"

"Huh? Well, I guess return to the _shinigami_ realm, until the next time I grow bored enough to come here again."

L nodded as if understanding. "Alright. I think there is another option for you, too, though. Don't you see it?

"What do you mean?"

"What if you had something to look forward to while you were in the _shinigami_ realm? Let's say you let Light live. You might return in forty years or so, when Light is older, and with the death note return his memories. What do you think his thoughts would be? Would a human change his mind about such a thing after so many years, and regret his actions? Or would he only regret his time spent living as an average human, and feel like his life was wasted? It wouldn't be letting him live—it would just be postponing it for a while. Wouldn't it be interesting to know the answer to that, instead of just killing him as he is right now?"

Light held his breath as he waited to hear Ryuk's response.

"Haha, that's a pretty twisted thing for a human to say," Ryuk replied, after a heavy silence. "But you're right, I might get a kick out of doing that. What do you think, Light?" he said, turning to him.

"You know what I think." Light kept his voice calm as possible.

Ryuk's eyes remained on Light for a while, then turned back to L.

"Actually, L," Ryuk said slowly, "I think you've convinced me. I'll let Light live for now." He sent a glance to Light, whose eyes seemed to renew in strength and look determined once more. "But remember, I am the only one who can see his lifespan. I might be returning sooner than you think."

It was a small victory for Light... and the surprising part was that it had been L to save him this time around.

But Ryuk would soon realize that he wouldn't have had to kill him tonight, anyway. Soon L would die, and if Light was lucky, he would have a new chance to be Kira tonight with the real death notes that were out there somewhere. No more lies. No more L. Only Kira left to change the world.


	12. Flyentology

" _And all the woe that moved him so  
__T_ _hat he gave that bitter cry,  
And the wild regrets, and the bloody sweats,  
None knew so well as I:  
__For he who lives more lives than one_  
_More deaths than one must die."_

—Oscar Wilde, _The Ballad of Reading Gaol_

Now was as good a time as any. It had been long enough for L to probably think Light would lose his memories soon, and hopefully soon enough that Light would still have time to set his plan in motion.

His eyes flickered to L.

It was now or never.

"You will pay for this one way or another," Light spoke lowly, his voice dark with threat. "The world has already grown used to Kira. It wont like going back."

"The world has recovered from worse events than you," L answered, not the slightest bit phased. "Kira's presence will be little more than a bruise on its surface."

Light clenched his fists, his stare darkening further. Now the hard part—to make L believe his following actions were genuine.

"L... I won't lose to you!"

Suddenly Light shot forward, but instead of lunging towards L, he headed for the door not far behind him. It was the only other exit in the warehouse aside from the door they had originally come in through, which had probably been locked when L entered it.

L watched him quietly, but did not follow after Light. He didn't seem very worried about his abrupt actions, rather, it appeared he had expected something of the sort to happen.

Light reached the door quickly, pretending distress, and shook the handle roughly with one hand while pressing his other to the door in attempt to force it open. The handle did not turn more than a hair's width no matter what strength he applied to it, and upon closer inspection, it appeared that the door had not just been locked, but sealed completely, which left only the other door as a viable exit.

No matter. That wasn't the reason he had come here, anyway. It had been a distraction, nothing more.

Feigning he had become overwhelmed by it all, Light collapsed onto his knees, making certain his back was facing towards L and the others.

L should not be able to see him from this angle. It was the best spot he was going to get in this empty warehouse, anyway.

In a dexterous set of motions Light had his watch open and a pen retrieved from one of his pockets. Carefully, so as not to make his motions apparent, he began writing L's name on the last piece of the death note, ignoring the silence behind him for the moment.

The pen slid smoothly over the paper.

' _L..._ '

"Is this how you want to spend your final moments, Light?" L said, when Light still had not moved from the door.

Light grinned, keeping his head lowered. He had to keep the letters small, as there was not much space left to write on it.

_'L L-a-w-l...'_

"Light?" L repeated, his voice closer now.

Slowly, Light stood up. He removed the paper from his watch, and placed it in his pocket with his pen. He took the needle out too—just in case.

It would have to be enough for now. He heard faint footsteps approaching behind him, and kept still.

"You think you have won because you have the death notes," Light finally responded, turning to meet L's gaze. "But I meant it when I said you will not leave here tonight. Whether you die by the death note or my own hands."

There was a hovering moment where they both simply stared at each other, each waiting to see if the other would make a move first.

Light was the first to act.

L was prepared for him, but defended in the wrong way. He had expected Light to attack the upper region of his body, and guarded himself there accordingly, but Light kicked hard at L's legs instead, angling his kick so it knocked L off balance, then proceeded to punch L with all of his strength, aiming somewhere near his stomach. Wherever it hit, it was effective, and L landed hard on the floor. In the next second, however, L had hooked one of his own legs around Light, and let the force of gravity do the rest of the work for him.

Light landed roughly on top of L, and in the next few minutes they each struggled to gain control over the other. L had more tricks up his sleeve, but Light, already having somewhat of an advantage from his fall, was more effective at utilizing his strength, and exploited his own desperation and anger to knock through L's defenses and brush aside any bruising attacks he received.

Somehow, after a brief time Light was able to pin L to the floor. Quickly, before L could come up with a method of escape, he adjusted his position to further trap L's arms under him, then wrapped his hands around L's neck, a wide, malicious grin finding its way onto his face as he did so.

His hands tightened, but he knew L would probably think a way out of this soon if he didn't hurry. He lowered his face, making sure L could see every part of his hate-filled expression. Making sure L would think he really could kill him this way if nothing was in the way to stop him.

Light thought of all the things he could do to hurt him right now, and for a moment he was almost tempted to go through with it right there.

L stopped struggling from underneath Light, looking up at him instead. His eyes were wide, but not from fear. There was a hint of a question in them, and Light knew L was curious about what he would do next. A dangerous sentiment for him to take right now when Light was very well attempting to strangle him.

Then something changed.

L had not moved, and his eyes still had not left Light's above him. The change had not occurred there.

No, the change had happened in Light.

His hands had loosened around L's neck, but even before that, the anger had entirely left his expression. The grin had faded with it, only to be replaced by an expression of absolute shock.

Slowly, his hands left L, and Light turned them palm-side up as he examined them in a strange horror, before looking back down at L.

"R...Ryuzaki?" He swallowed, using a name he had not spoken in months. "What's going on? Why was I..."

He saw that he was still trapping L to the floor, and moved off of him.

L brought himself up into a crouching position, wiping a bit of blood from his mouth, and then rose. His eyes flickered away to inspect the area, then were back on Light in a half-second. He seemed hesitant about something, and didn't answer immediately.

"There's no avoiding it," L finally said. "With a mind like yours, you will make the connection sooner or later."

Light stood up after L, ignoring the soreness his body was already beginning to feel. "What are you talking about? What connection?" he asked, looking over at L in confusion.

Inside, he smirked.

L's eyes looked off to Misa for a second, then slid back to Light's. "What are your memories of the past year?"

Light paused to think a moment. He would have forgotten all about the existence of the _shinigami_ and the death notes, even where it strictly concerned the Kira investigation, and so he would have to avoid mentioning them entirely.

"All I know is that I've been trying to stop Kira for a while now, and seeing you at night even though you were killed by Kira over a year ago," Light said slowly, as if trying to make sense of his current actions. "Then I came here to find the information you said you'd left... But you were still here. Still alive, I mean. And I... well I guess that's why I was angry right now." He let some annoyance, and a little bit of hurt enter his eyes. "Why did you lie to me?"

L was watching him closely now. Light hoped he hadn't seen through his act.

"Your mind is trying to fill in the spaces, then. But I will tell you the real reason why you can't remember exactly," L said, his words sounding more considerate than usual, as though trying to make it easier for Light to accept them. "Though you are not Kira now, you were him until just a few moments ago."

Light forced shock into his expression, letting his eyes go wide. He tried to remember how it had felt the first time he'd regained his memories to try to give his shock more realism. "I was... _Kira_? But then how..." his words died, apparently too overcome by L's statement to continue.

"I have removed what gave Kira power, and Kira's memories have left with that power," L explained, avoiding the use of Light's name specifically.

Light's voice shook faintly when he spoke. "But that means I still _am_ Kira, right? Even if I don't remember it." If Light had really lost his own memories, it would probably be something he would ask.

It took L another moment to respond.

"Light, the fact is you were given something no human should have. Something from another world. Since it's a supernatural object we are dealing with, a normal punishment is not applicable to your situation."

"Another world? What are you saying?"

"Misa can show you an example of it," L said, glancing toward her again. "Go ahead Misa. Show him."

Misa looked like she didn't want to be seen at all right then, and avoided Light's gaze when he turned to look at her, sitting a little distance away from them. She hesitated, then reached her arm out to the fake death note lying on the floor beside her. With the notebook in her hands, she slowly stood up, but hesitated to come towards them.

Light walked over to her instead. When he stopped in front of her, she lifted the notebook up towards Light, as if offering it to him. Only then did she look up at him.

"This is how Kira punished criminals."

Light took a step closer.

"What is it? A notebook?"

She nodded faintly. "A _shinigami_ 's notebook. When a person's name gets written in it, they die."

Light reached his hand out, apparently overcome with curiosity. The hand hesitated over the notebook, before grasping it lightly. He looked down as if inspecting it, and leaned in closer to Misa.

As he did so, he whispered lowly, "Misa, if I don't make it, try to find the real notebooks. Whatever you do, don't give up your memories yet."

Misa's eyes widened in realization.

"So you really were the second Kira?" he said louder, so L could hear him.

Misa recovered quickly from her shock, and nodded silently, both to Light's question and his whispered message.

"How can you still remember who you are if I can't remember I was Kira?"

"It's complicated," Misa answered. "But I will lose my memories soon, too."

Light leaned away, taking the notebook from her grasp, then started flipping through its pages. "And this is what you— _we_ —used to write their names on? But what do you mean by _shinigami_?"

"This one is fake, actually," Misa clarified. "And you can't see the _shinigami_ until you touch the real notebook."

"It's here right now?" Light asked, and Misa nodded.

Light looked down at the notebook and pretended to read through the rules on the inside of the front cover. He let a cautious uncertainty enter his tone, and shook his head incredulously. "This is all rather hard for me to believe right now."

It was L who spoke then.

"It will become clearer to you once the rest of it is explained."

Light turned to L, still holding the notebook in one hand.

"Could I see it? The _shinigami_ , I mean. I just have to touch the real notebook, right?"

"If you need proof, I can have you touch a piece of the death note, but I cannot allow you to touch the notebook itself."

"You still have them, then?"

"Them?"

"Yes, them. If there was more than one Kira operating at once then there would have to be more than one notebook, correct?"

L didn't contradict him.

Light's eyes returned to the notebook, and narrowed in thought. After a moment, his mouth became resolute. "If they really do exist, Ryuzaki, we need to destroy them." He said, tossing the notebook to the floor beside him in order to illustrate just what he thought of it. "Look what they've already done to this world," he said, then hesitated. "...What they've done to me."

"At some point, perhaps they will be," L answered. "But for the moment Watari is keeping watch over the death notes. When we meet with him we can discuss more on that issue."

Light looked away, seeming to be thinking about something else.

"Am I going to be punished?"

There was another pause before L answered.

"Why would you be punished for something you didn't do?

"I chose to use it, didn't I?"

"Not exactly."

Light almost laughed at that blatant lie. Is that how L was going to go about this? Of course he had used it willingly! He may not have taken the idea of a death note seriously at first, but he still had made the conscious decision to kill a human being.

"The death notes have corrupting powers over the humans that possess them."

Light's mouth twitched, but he otherwise managed to keep himself calm.

"Besides," L continued, "Kira has already been punished."

Light shook his head wearily, looking as if he was getting a headache from it all. "It seems like this is going to take a while to explain."

"It might take some time, yes."

"Then we should probably start with the _shinigami._ Not sure I really want to see one, though."

"Alright," L agreed.

That had almost been too easy.

"L," Ryuk spoke up suddenly. Light had to restrain himself from automatically looking at him. "One more thing about the death notes, before you do this."

L glanced at Ryuk, but otherwise did not let on that anyone was talking to him.

"I will let you keep watch over them for now," Ryuk told him. "Since Light does not own his anymore, once Misa gives up her ownership I will not have a reason to stay in this world as long as no one else gains ownership of the notebooks," he explained, eyes glinting. "Just make sure that nothing happens to Light's, and I don't care what you do to the other ones."

"I will," L said. Light gave L a puzzled stare, as if he couldn't really see or hear Ryuk.

"Good. I'll be watching from the _shinigami_ realm, just in case." Ryuk lifted his head slightly, as if remembering something. "Oh. I'd keep a spare one around, maybe, if I were you. It may come in handy in the future if another _shinigami_ happens to visit for some reason." *

Light didn't know what that was about, and L didn't seem to either. His eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion, but then gave a nod as if he understood Ryuk's cryptic words.

"L? Is there something wrong?" Light asked, concern entering his voice. He had become impatient with their exchange. Ryuk was taking away his time, and every second right now was invaluable to him. They needed to leave this place now if he could have any chance of recovering one of the notebooks, or he'd have to rely on Misa to do it for him.

L seemed glad to answer him.

"No, Light. We should get going," he said, as if reading Light's mind.

"Where to?"

"You want to see the _shinigami_ first, don't you?"

Light nodded slowly. "And have the rest of this explained to me."

"What about me, L?" Misa asked suddenly, her voice uncertain again.

"We'll take care of that soon. Watari will be waiting outside for us."

Light had to force himself to hide another smile.

 _He had been right!_ Watari was nearby, and that meant the notebooks were as well, if what he said earlier was true. What a fool L was. He had let his overconfidence get the better of him, and now he was endangering himself once more. And this time, Light would make sure he wouldn't get out of it.

_No more cheating death, L._

Without another word, L turned and started walking to the exit, Light and Misa following after him, Ryuk the silent observer once more. As they followed behind, Light let Misa fall in front of him, and then checked his pocket.

He cursed inwardly. The pen had fallen out sometime during his fight with L. There was no going back to get it now if he wanted to keep up his façade. Fortunately, the needle was still in there, and he grasped it between his fingers. He needed to complete most of the name before he left the warehouse so that he could finish L off at a moments notice. And now would be the perfect time, with L not looking towards him.

He took the needle out of his pocket, eyes flickering up to see if he was being watched, and then pressed it into the flesh of his index finger. He added more force until it drew blood, then pulled it away, his hands shaking with nervous excitement. The needle had found its way in deeper than was needed, and the blood began running down the side of his finger. More than enough to finish the job.

Light dipped the tip of the needle into his blood, before continuing where he had left off on the piece of death note.

They soon reached the entrance, and Light, hiding the piece of death note momentarily in one hand, looked up to see what L would do next.

L had opened a hidden panel on the door, and began typing a code to open it from the inside. He hadn't taken any chances in that respect, then.

L pulled the door open partway, and turned to address Misa. Light could already feel the night air leaking inside, and itched to leave the place. It wouldn't be long, now.

"Watari will be waiting outside, Misa. He'll instruct you what to do so your memory loss isn't so much of a shock to you."

Light's eyes turned back to his hand as L spoke to Misa. The blood was still trickling slightly from his finger, as if telling him not to worry, he could finish L's name whenever it would suit him. There was plenty of red ink.

Yes, L's death would come soon. He just needed a little bit more time to gain access to the notebooks, and then he would be able to finish his name completely.

It was then that Light noticed the blood had been dripping onto the floor while they had been stopped at the entrance. He sent a glance behind him and noticed that the blood wasn't just near where he stood, but had left a trail behind him too. The unambiguously dark red splotches were displayed clear as day under the bright warehouse lights.

 _Shit._ L would certainly notice it if he looked over at him right now! None of his injuries from their fight had drawn blood, and it would look immediately suspicious if he was suddenly bleeding all over the floor for no apparent reason. Not only that, but the blood had dripped onto his shoes and the bottom of his pant leg as well, Light realized.

Light wiped his hand to clear some of the excess blood, but part of it had already dried and did not wipe away easily. He placed his shoe over the blood that had dripped beside him in order to hide it, and shot a glance towards L, who thankfully was still focused on Misa.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki, I'll do it as soon as I can! Then me and Light can be happy together again," Misa had just finished saying.

Then, with L's approval, Misa had left the warehouse.

"Light, before we go, there's something I should say," L began, and decided at that moment to turn to face Light.

The blood was still there, and there was no time left to think, so Light acted.

"I _—_ " L started, but was cut off before he could fully turn around.

Light's arms had wrapped around L in an awkward embrace. He hadn't been able to come up with something better on such short notice, and so he thought of something to fill up the silence. L seemed completely unprepared for it, and didn't move, even after he realized what was happening.

"Thank you for doing this, Ryuzaki," Light said, hoping that his voice sounded sincere enough. "You saved me. I don't think I deserved it. But you saved me anyway. I can never be grateful enough to you for that," Light finished, confident L could not see the anything from this position.

The door was still open since they were standing right in its pathway, and it gave Light a chance to take a look outside. He saw a black vehicle parked not far away that had not been there before, but couldn't see enough of it to tell what kind it was. Misa would have already made her way to it by now, and if he was lucky, Watari would be there with the death notes.

He was so close.

He could finish L's name now, but if L died before Light was able to come near the notebooks, it would immediately cast suspicion onto him. He didn't know what L was keeping the death notes in, but it would probably be nearly impossible to get to them until L or Watari opened it. It would be better to wait until he had them in sight. Then L's death would be to his advantage, and would create a distraction for him in order to get a hold of one of the death notes.

L had recovered a little from his surprise, and relaxed somewhat in Light's hold. "You're welcome, Light. I'm glad you think so. I was afraid you would think I was letting you off too easily."

"I think you are," Light answered. "But as long as Kira's gone for good, I think I'll be okay with it." Light smirked, his expression hidden from L, the temptation rising to just kill him right here rather than wait. Instead, he moved back slightly, blocking L's view of the blood behind him in case he happened to look, and prepared to leave the building so that they could get to the death notes once and for all.

"But Light, I'm curious about something," L said suddenly, interrupting him. His hand wrapped around Light's left arm and lifted it up. The one with the paper and the blood.

Light clenched his fist quickly to hide the piece of death note. For a moment Light thought he knew about it, but he only looked at Light's watch, reading the time, the blood hidden on Light's hand under L's grip.

"You weren't supposed to lose your memory for another ten minutes."

_No, no, no—this couldn't be happening._

"Really?" Light said out loud. "That's odd. Maybe you miscalculated."

"Perhaps." But L's eyes were dark with something other than agreement with him. "What do you have held in your hand?" he asked, turning Light's hand in his own. "There's blood..." But before he could investigate further, Light had punched him hard with his other fist.

L tried to dodge it, but didn't evade in time, and was knocked back against the door.

Light moved to leave the warehouse and head for the car, but was grabbed suddenly from behind, and with a force he had not expected from L, thrown back into the warehouse. L moved back inside as well, and before Light could regain his footing he heard the loud thud of the door shutting behind them, then the click of it locking again.

Well, that made his decision for him on whether or not to kill L right now.

Kneeling on the floor, Light quickly uncrumpled the piece of death note, abandoning the needle to use his finger directly instead. He was so close now.

Just one more stroke—!

L kicked him from where he was, knocking Light to his side. Then L was on top of him, and had pried the paper from Light before he had the chance to fully realize what had happened.

L smoothed out the paper to see what was written.

_'L L-a-w-l-i-e-l'_

The letters had been written in a mixture of both pen and blood. Light had only to cross the 't'.

"A piece of the original death note?" L's eyes were wide in genuine surprise. "I had wondered why you pretended to lose your memory." He looked away from the paper to Light. "It might have worked if I didn't know you better."

Light swallowed, trying to think of a way to get the paper back so he could finish it, but L had him pinned solidly to the floor. Best to relax for the moment until L let his guard down.

"Heh," Light laughed acidly, "then how does it feel knowing that the person you know best has tried to kill you three times now?" And nearly succeeded, this time.

Could still succeed. He hadn't lost hope of that yet.

"It must mean he doesn't really mean it, if he's been so poor at accomplishing it." L turned his head curiously. "Do I really know you best, Light?"

"No." Light opened his mouth as if he would say something more, but instead, using all the strength in his arms, he attempted to twist out of L's grasp and push away in the same motion.

It left L off balance, and Light attempted to take advantage of it, but before he could, L had torn half the paper with his mouth and crumpled the rest in his hand. In the next second, the crumpled piece lay somewhere across the warehouse. Probably far out of Light's reach.

Light turned his head to see how far it had went, then suddenly felt a blow to the side of his face as L punched him without any hesitation.

Light became aware of the cement pressing hard on the back of his body once the pain had subsided a little. He had made a stupid mistake, and L had regained control by simply disorienting him.

There was little chance he could recover the paper now.

"Then you should also know I lied about the death notes being here," L said, continuing their conversation. "They are being kept in a place you can never get to tonight. There is no hope with Misa, either, if you are somehow thinking you can still rely on her."

Light's hands clenched. L had knocked down each of Light's possible routes of escape like it was nothing.

And that was all that remained, now.

Nothing.

Light was too shocked by it all to properly feel the rage that should have been there. Or maybe he was just starting to realize the utter hopelessness of his situation.

"Are you really going to let me go after all of this?"

"I made a promise with Rem," L replied neutrally, his grip still strong on Light.

"Even if you erase my actions from my mind, I will still have always done them. I will always have been capable, if I did it once. How can you be so accepting of that?"

L's eyes drifted away as he thought of an answer.

"For the same reason that I could have written your name in the death note at any time. I was capable, but I didn't." His eyes moved back to Light's. "You condemned yourself when you wrote the second name in the death note that night after you found it. There was no going back for you, after that. But the memory loss gives you a second chance, Light."

There was something in L's expression that Light couldn't really place. It wasn't pity, but the only thing Light knew was that he hated seeing it.

"I made the right choice. I don't regret it," Light answered. "The only time I ever felt alive was when I held the death note in my hands."

L stared at Light inscrutably before answering.

"And that life will soon be over. It has existed long enough."

Maybe Light deserved this for letting himself be fooled by L this long.

 _No._ He couldn't give up now. Not like this. But he didn't have much time, if what L said before was true.

"You couldn't accept that you made a mistake by killing two people," L went on. "You created your righteousness from nothing, and built your ideology off a mistake. It was a child's work, not a god's."

L was enjoying this. He had taken everything away that had ever mattered to Light and now he was trying to tell Light his actions hadn't had any real meaning in the first place.

"I wasn't wrong, L!" Light raised his voice, but it only made him sound more desperate. He lowered it again. "I wasn't wrong."

"It will be better this way, Light."

It was useless.

The minutes were slipping away from him.

"Please, L... I'll do anything you want, I accept defeat. Just let me keep my memories. Punish me, imprison me, anything, but just don't let me lose that." He didn't know why, but right know that was what frightened him the most, more than death or imprisonment or anything else. "I still haven't told you everything," he argued weakly. "You will lose that precious information if you let this happen."

"What have you to tell me that I don't already know?" L asked, the reality of his statement already clear to them both. "Kira as we know him dies tonight, no matter what."

"L, don't do this! You've solved what Kira is. You know who I am, and why. Isn't that all you wanted? Can't you let me go now that you've won?"

For a moment L's eyes looked to actually contemplate it, and even though Light knew better, he felt himself become hopeful for a second.

Light swallowed, wetting his lips that had become dry.

"We could work together, even. Think of how much better the world would be with the both of us to fix it."

L stayed silent.

"You'd make a better partner than Misa ever would," Light continued. "Don't tell me you've never thought about it."

L was watching him quietly.

But if there was anything in his eyes, it wasn't what Light wanted.

"No, I never have," L said resolutely, ending his silence. "This is goodbye. I look forward to meeting the real Light Yagami soon."

Light's eyes darkened again, even though he'd been prepared to hear an answer like it. "That life will be a lie, and you know it." It would be a shadow of what it could have been, nothing more. He couldn't imagine a life like that any longer. He'd rather have death than this. Ryuk hunched over his death note somewhere, writing his name...

"No more than this one is," L responded. "Kira's fate is decided. But there is so much left for Light Yagami."

Light said nothing. His eyes slid away from L's, pretending disinterest.

"And maybe this time around we won't have to be enemies," L added.

Light kept his gaze away from him. "I'd be a fool to ever be friends with someone like you."

"But we make good fools, don't you think?"

"Just you."

"In any case, I didn't say we had to be friends," L said, loosening his grip on Light. "You don't have long now. Would you like to try to kill me one last time?"

Light looked up at him in shock. To all appearances, L looked completely sincere, and made no move to restrain him again.

So this was how it was going to be?

L had been the one to challenge him in the beginning of it all, and now here he was at the end, too.

But there was only one way left to get rid of L now, and L was reminding him of it. No, daring him to do it. Because he didn't think Light could.

A memory flashed back to him of the night he had been sick and L had still been just a ghost to him. He really could have killed L on that night...

He could have...

But even then, Light still couldn't have defeated him. The death notes would have been outside his reach, and he would have lost his memories, L's death or not.

Right now Light wasn't any closer to stopping L than the first night he had been challenged by him, all that time ago, when L had only been a processed voice and a letter on the television screen.

A bitter laugh escaped from Light at this realization, and it would have frightened Light's father had he been there to hear it. Even L jerked from its suddenness. It cut sharply through the warehouse and called all focus to himself, his body lying defeated on the floor, arm raised to his face as he laughed.

But even that couldn't last forever.

Another moment passed (Light didn't want to count the seconds any longer), and then the warehouse dwindled back into silence again.

"I hope your life is hell," was all Light said, after that.

And in the next moment, all such words left his mind, and all significance to the words left behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *What is Ryuk going on about...?
> 
> Sidoh, perhaps?
> 
> He makes his first appearance a few years after this story takes place, though, so we won't be seeing him here.


	13. Gray Slate

_"Every time I look at my hands_  
_with my fingers open on my lap_  
_I am moved_

 _they look proud_  
_they look happy_  
_huddled next to each other_

 _as if they had never been forced to do_  
_anything mean_  
_anything despicable_  
_by me"_

— Michio Mado, _Yubi_

_One month prior._

The sun was bright today.

Rem had never quite gotten used to it, no matter how long she had been here. From this world, the sun seemed so much closer than in the _shinigami_ realm, and to accompany it the skies here were often a clear and unnatural blue instead of the calm and neutral gray she was more comfortable with.

Despite the brightness, Rem was invisible to most of the world's inhabitants, and so normally she did not feel very exposed in it, even during crowded situations. However, at the moment she was trying to avoid the sight of one of those few rare people who could see her, and so she had to remain careful if she did not want to be noticed. Rem followed behind this person in the bustling streets, keeping her distance as much as she could. After a while, though, she abandoned this tactic, and moved closer, keeping her death note close at hand in case it was needed.

Misa seemed as cheerful as ever right now, humming as she headed back to the apartment she was sharing with Light, although she was still a few blocks and a bus ride away from it.

It was not night, like the last time it had happened.

Would it be another stalker this time? Rem sent a glance behind herself—not her first—but as before, she did not see anyone following Misa, and did not feel as if she were being watched either. Still, she remained anxious that someone might appear if she did not remain attentive to all of her surroundings, and she had every right to be careful. Today was Misa's last day, after all.

While it was true that Misa had been given the remainder of Gelus's lifespan, the _shinigami_ had never been one to kill humans unless he had to, and even when he did, it was usually only ever the humans that didn't have much time left anyway. Consequently, Misa's lifespan had only been extended a short while, and had furthermore been halved twice after she had agreed to do the eye trades with Ryuk. And now, to Rem's dismay, Misa had only minutes left.

However, Rem also knew that the workings of fate usually took the path of least resistance when it was not otherwise directed. Misa was young and healthy, so she probably would not be in danger from a heart attack or any other health-related cause of death. The only other danger she faced was in her immediate environment, and hopefully that meant that Rem had a good chance of preventing it. But the question still remained, who would it be? Or what? Misa only had a handful of minutes left, but no one had yet confronted her.

An accident, then?

Rem's eyes searched the streets, becoming more frantic as each minute went by. When Misa stopped at a crowded intersection, her panic grew, and she kept a careful watch on all the cars speeding past.

She waited, ready at any moment to save Misa from any oncoming danger, but in spite of her fears, as she waited the danger presented by the traffic seemed to lessen. The cars all slowed, and Misa made her way safely across the road.

If not a vehicle, then what could it be? Misa now had only less than a minute remaining.

Rem's eyes went quickly from the road to the pedestrians to the shops and buildings, and then back to the road again. Nothing presented itself as an immediate danger, but all it would take was the mistake of one speeding car to end Misa's life, and so Rem kept her eyes most often on the road. Indeed, she spent her time worrying so much over the traffic that she almost missed it when it finally did happen.

On a balcony a few stories above, a child was playing with a remote-controlled toy. She had set a large rock a small distance from it on top of the railing, and was directing the toy towards it with the remote. When it neared the rock, she pressed a button, and the toy's robotic arm lifted up, making shooting sounds to accompany the motion. She gave a delighted laugh, before a gust of wind suddenly unbalanced the toy, and it tipped precariously towards the edge. Before it could fall completely over, however, the girl managed to grab the robot, but in the process of doing so knocked the rock off the balcony instead.

If Rem had not looked a second earlier to see it, it would have been too late.

She scarcely had time to push Misa out of the way before the rock passed unhindered through Rem's own body and crashed onto the ground, breaking into a dozen smaller pieces; revealing that it was not really a rock at all, but a large geode, and the pale white crystal hidden inside had scattered all about the sidewalk.

Misa turned around, startled by the sound and by Rem's sudden contact. The little girl above squeaked a scared _sorry!_ , before running inside, her toy forgotten behind her.

"Rem...?" Misa asked wonderingly, her eyes moving from Rem to the shattered rock and crystal beneath her, but other than her obvious shock Misa appeared entirely fine. Rem's shoulders sank with relief.

She had done it. She had saved Misa. And she hadn't even needed to use her death note, like Gelus had. Perhaps that meant...

"I wasn't certain if I could, Misa, but I did it," Rem said. "I saved you."

Misa's eyes widened with uncertain comprehension. "You mean like that other _shinigami_? But then doesn't that mean...?"

"I'm not sure," Rem answered honestly. She looked down at her hands, and then her surroundings, but nothing appeared to have changed in the few moments since Misa's expected time of death. Misa had remained unaffected, and to Rem's eyes her remaining lifespan seemed to have stalled at zero by human measurements.

"I didn't need to use the death note," Rem continued, "but I..."

And then Rem suddenly felt it.

"Rem? Are you alright?" Misa asked when Rem had mysteriously become silent.

But Rem was only barely able to register Misa's question. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remain as calm as she could knowing that these next few moments would likely be her last.

"Rem? What's happening?"

So it hadn't changed anything. The punishment for extending a human's life, death note or not, was still...

"Rem! You're..." Misa broke off, and the silence filled in the rest of her words for her.

"I guess this is goodbye, Misa," Rem's words came out softly, opening her eyes again. A strange weakness had begun to overtake her, and it was something she knew she would never be able to recover from.

Rem wondered if she looked how Gelus had at his end, and felt sorry that Misa had to see it, if so. With each passing second Rem felt the weakness taking over, at the same time as the city around her appeared to grow brighter. Everything was blurring, blending into each other, and she felt suddenly dizzy from it. She looked up, only to be blinded by the sky instead, and lowered her head again.

Everything made her feel so tired.

She heard Misa's voice again, but it was far away now. She could no longer see Misa's worried expression, or see if her lifespan had remained frozen or increased again, but she didn't need to see it to know that her own life had not been wasted.

Her vision gradually darkened until even the brightness of the sunlight had faded from her senses.

Yes, everything would be alright now. She would not need to worry anymore.

L would keep his promise.

* * *

Misa had watched with a mixture of horror and morbid wonder as Rem appeared to disintegrate before her eyes until only a powdery substance and a black notebook remained.

She remained fixed there for an astonished moment, but when nothing else seemed to happen, she walked over to where Rem had been and picked up the death note, gently shaking off the substance beneath it. Rem's remains. Other people walking past made a circle around her, avoiding the area where the fragments of geode lied freshly shattered. That is, every person except one.

"I will be taking that, Misa."

Misa almost jumped, and looked up from the death note. When she saw who it was, she swallowed, and sent an uneasy glance to the notebook again before responding.

"Why did Rem have an extra notebook? Doesn't Light have hers?" Misa had known for a while now that Rem had not really been dead—until now at least—but she had not thought about what that meant for Light's death note. She had just assumed that it was Rem's whether she had died or not, but now she wasn't so sure.

"Rem kept an additional death note aside from the one she gave Light when she pretended to die. For reasons I hope you understand, I will be keeping this one."

Misa wondered why Rem had kept the third notebook secret from her when she had never seen it before, but nodded anyway after a moment, and reluctantly handed the notebook to L. "I understand."

Using a small cloth as a barrier between his hand and the death note, L took the notebook delicately between his thumb and forefinger, holding it out to his side.

"How much longer do I have to keep doing this, Ryuzaki?" Misa asked suddenly. "I can't keep lying to Light like this."

"It won't be long, now," L said, and though his expression was cool, his tone was reassuring. "I promise you will both be safe, as long as you continue to do what has been agreed upon."

Her eyes fell down to Rem's remains and the fragments of rock and crystal lying scattered about. "I wish there was another way."

"Even if there was, it still wouldn't change anything."

When she looked up again, L had already left. She was only able to see his back for a brief moment before he had turned and disappeared around a corner. She let out a breath of air she had been holding, and then turned in the opposite direction, walking slowly, silent now as she made her way back to the apartment where Light would be.

* * *

_One year later._

It was late in the afternoon, and Light and L were sitting at a coffee shop, the same one that Light had suggested they go to all that time ago; when Light had still been Kira, and L had offered to let him help with the Kira investigation. The place had changed little since then, and even the same secluded booth had been available when they arrived there.

Light had finished a small meal and was sipping at his coffee while L slowly worked at a layered piece of chocolate cake containing strawberry filling and an exuberant amount of icing and chocolate curls. At first, their discussion had focused on Light's studies since his return to To-Oh university, and they had conversed on that a little while, but before long the topic had switched to a more serious discussion about Light's family instead.

"I still worry about my father," Light admitted. "He never brings it up, and acts as if nothing is wrong, or tries to, but my mother can tell he's different now."

"Yes, I doubt he'll ever be the same," L agreed, cutting into his cake with the side of his fork.

"That doesn't make me feel any better, Ryuzaki," Light admonished, adopting L's old pseudonym in public.

"Oh." L looked up from his cake. "Then... He'll come around?"

Light smiled a little and shook his head. "No, you may as well say what you really think."

"Whether he can forgive you or not isn't the problem," L continued, forgetting his cake for the moment. "I think he's finding it hardest to forgive himself. As a parent, he thinks he's done something wrong, and will always have that doubt, even though he knows it isn't really true. Out of all of us, he probably has it the hardest."

Light stared down at his coffee as L spoke, mouth drawn. "I know. I just wish there was something I could do. I wish I had never..."

"I can't be helped now. But he still loves you, Light."

"I just worry about him. His health hasn't always been the best."

"He'll be alright. Your father is strong. If you'd like, though, I could talk to him again."

Light remembered his coffee, and brought the cup to his mouth while he considered L's offer. "No, you don't need to."

There was a momentary silence between them before L spoke up again.

"You've told me about your father, but how are you doing, Light?"

Light was somewhat hesitant to answer. As a form of habit he usually avoided answering honestly when such questions were directed at him, but when he finally did speak he was surprised at the sincerity of his own voice, and realized that his words were the truth, and not just meant as a false reassurance. "I'm... fine," he said. "As good as can be expected, knowing my past, and the person I was. Most of my thoughts of that time are unclear to me of course, but even so, I still remember some of the thoughts I used to have."

L sent him a curious look. "You remember your thoughts as Kira?"

"No, not like that—just some of the feelings he had before that I shared with him. It's hard to explain exactly... But I've been trying to see things differently from how I used to."

"In what way?"

Light sat back in his seat, his eyes going distant as he recalled his life over the past several years, or what he remembered of it. "I used to think the world was rotting," he began after a length of silence. "That it needed to be saved. I can still remember thinking like that, anyway. But I realize now that that was a faulty way to think about it. The world isn't rotting—it's not diseased, or healthy, or good, or anything else. It just is. So for me to have tried to force it to be one thing was foolish."

He paused as a couple passed by them on their way out of the coffee shop.

"The world isn't a place that needs looking after," he continued once they had gone, leaning forward as he spoke, "to be punished or rewarded by some outside force. Humanity is imperfect, sure, but it needs to learn to stand on its own if it's going to make any real progress. It can't be forced, like I was trying to do. Because once an entity like Kira looks after the world, people learn only to rely on it, and not themselves. And in the end such a false sense of security does more harm than good. It only makes civilization weaker instead."

L hummed. "That's an interesting perspective, Light. I like it."

"You agree, then?"

"Mostly. But I don't think you were wrong when you thought the world was rotting."

Light blinked, surprised to hear L of all people admit such a thing. Then again, perhaps it wasn't so surprising coming from him.

"It is rotting, and it is corrupt, and terrible things do happen in it," L continued. "But it is healthy and good and everything else, too. Nothing ever cancels anything else out. The world would be pretty boring if it 'just was,' wouldn't it?"

"Yeah," Light said. "I guess it would."

L went back to his cake, and Light watched him for a moment in thought.

"So is there a reason for you coming back to Japan other than to check up on me?" he asked, a hand returning nonchalantly to his coffee cup.

"I was just about to bring it up, actually," L said without looking over at him. "I am working on a case at the moment that might be of interest you."

"Oh? Here in Tokyo?"

"Yes, partly, which is where your help would be of use to me if you are not otherwise occupied. Are you interested?"

"Of course," Light said without hesitation. "School shouldn't be an issue."

"Good. It would be hard to explain everything here without my computer, though, but we can discuss it more later at the hotel if you like. Watari is here as well."

"Tonight, then?"

"That would be ideal."

"How is he, by the way?"

"Watari?" L seemed puzzled for a second at the question. "He is well. He's never had any serious health problems to be concerned with, thankfully. But even so, his age is becoming more apparent of late."

There was no true note of concern in L's tone, but Light's mouth formed an uncomfortable line at the words, and his mind turned to the thoughts he had kept hidden until now. He debated whether or not to say what had been on his mind all these months, about a decision he had come to and could not reason himself out of no matter how he had tried, that ran the risk of ruining everything if he ever actually said it. But he knew he would have to reveal his decision at some point, and it would only be more difficult for the both of them the longer he refrained from saying it.

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you, Ryuzaki," he said abruptly, before he lost the courage to continue. "And it's probably best if I say it now rather than later."

L looked up curiously, but was silent as he waited for Light to continue.

"I know what we've agreed to before, and I still want to help you work on cases for now, and help train the Wammy students..." He took a deep breath to steel himself. "But eventually, Ryuzaki, I'd like to work on my own."

"Oh?" L said belatedly. "If you want, I could have you take the name of Deneuve, or one of my other aliases."

"That's not what I had in mind, exactly," Light said, hesitating a moment before clarifying. "I want to make my own path. Create a new name. Alone." He paused, staring over at L. "Is that okay?" There was always the unsaid ' _I was Kira, and you could turn me in anytime if you wanted, so is it alright to do this?_ ' L had the upper hand here, even if he'd never yet used it to threaten Light since he had lost his memories.

"But Light, if you do that..."

Light felt his stomach sinking, but held his gaze resolutely as he waited for L to finish.

"Who will be the one to keep me in check once Watari retires?"

He relaxed a little when he realized that was all L was going to say. "I'm sure you'll be able to handle yourself, Ryuzaki," he replied. "I want to do this."

For another long and tortuous moment, L did not speak, and Light waited anxiously for his next words.

"Alright. But I should warn you that my other three aliases were also once real detectives. It's a story for another time, but to sum it up: I can be very competitive."

Light sat back in his chair, feeling suddenly as if a large portion of the weight had been lifted off him. His uneasiness subsided, and instead of feeling some sort of trepidation at L's final statement, he took the opportunity to smile at the challenge instead.

"Perhaps you could use some real competition, then."

"Perhaps."

Light suddenly felt his cell phone vibrate with a text, startling him from his thoughts, and he reached down and took it out of his pocket. He read the message on the screen, and let out a small but detectable sigh, then typed something quickly in response before placing it back into his pocket.

"What is it?"

"It's nothing. Just Misa."

"Oh? Did you have other plans?"

Light's phone vibrated again, but he didn't move to check it. "I guess it slipped my mind."

"I won't keep you, then."

"No," he shook his head. "It's fine. I can meet with her tomorrow." Doubt slid into his features. "That is, if you still want me to help with the case."

"Of course I do," L said, his tone unreadable. "You two are still dating, then?"

"No, but she thinks so. She still thinks we're getting _married._ "

"Who would have given her that idea?"

"An idiot," Light muttered, shaking his head. "I think I can still remember saying it, too, but I can't remember for the life of me why I had thought it was a good idea. I used her, and now..." He sighed and took a final sip of his cold coffee. "The least I can do is be around her if she wants. But I won't marry out of pity."

L was watching him with an expression that was quickly becoming familiar to Light, and he waited for the words to come, although it had only happened once or twice before then.

"You really are different from before."

Light had also come to realize that he disliked it whenever it did happen.

"Stop saying that. It still doesn't make sense to me how I became so different. I should be held accountable for my actions, even if I can't remember them. Half the time I'm grateful to you, but the other half I know I should be getting punished, even if I don't remember doing any of it."

"But I already told you about the influence of the death notes. It ruined you, Light. The _shinigami_ are the real ones at fault for allowing humans come into possession of such things."

"I don't know if I can believe you, Ryuzaki. Part of me still thinks that I was capable of doing it all on my own, and that you're just making it up so my father and the others will accept it."

"Why would I make it up?"

"I don't know. Some of the things you do I will never understand. But you've worked with criminals before," Light said, alluding to Aiber and Wedy. "So if there was a reason for you to keep even someone who had been Kira around, I think you'd be capable of doing it."

"Then tell me, if you came across a death note today, what would you do with it?"

"Well it's obvious the first time what I did with it."

"Yes, but what would you do now? If it had no corrupting powers, as you argue, but was completely by your choice?"

"I..." Light paused then to seriously consider the question. It took him longer than he expected to come up with an answer, which should have been a little concerning, but when he did finally speak there was no trace of doubt left in his voice. "I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. I would burn it. That is all," he said, his eyes meeting L's. "What would you have done, if it had been you?"

"Hm, I've thought about that a lot," L replied, moving a stray piece of icing around with his fork, and then looked up to Light. "What do you think?"

"Me? I'm not sure..."

"Make a guess, then."

Light looked off in thought, but this time it didn't take long for him to come up with an answer.

"Used it once, and then destroyed it."

L made a neutral sound in response, seeming more interested in finishing his cake.

"Well?" Light prodded. "Am I right?"

L shrugged. "Probably," he said, as he balanced the last bit of cake on his fork. "You usually are with such things."

* * *

They left soon afterward, deciding to walk to the hotel since it was relatively close by. They had just made their way out of the coffee shop when they heard two people conversing at a table set just outside the entrance.

"I think they both killed each other, and it was just a cover-up," said one, a woman probably somewhere in her thirties, with a coffee in front of her. "The current L is a fake, nothing more."

"Then how do you explain the criminals who were supposedly killed that keep on turning up now?" said the other, a man that looked of a similar age, with a smaller drink of his own. "Kira was never real, and that's that. It was just a cover for a mass conspiracy to decrease crime rate around the world. Why they stopped is the real question. Corruption from within? Who knows, maybe this is just a momentary lapse, and in the future they will start up again."

"No, it's obvious they are just trying to hide Kira's work by making it look like it was fake. Sure, some of the criminals were paid or blackmailed or whatever to appear dead, but a lot of them were actually killed by some unexplainable power," the woman said.

"—Say the people who _want_ you to think the deaths are unexplainable."

The woman continued as if she hadn't heard him. "Or maybe it's _Kira_ that has everyone fooled. Maybe he's only testing us right now, and someday he will return to place judgment on the world."

"You sound like one of those Kira worshipers," the man said. "Didn't you just say you thought he was dead, anyway?

"I'm just proposing ideas, is all."

"Well I'll have to see it before I believe any of that. Until then, Kira is just a lie that was created to draw attention away from the real organization behind it."

Even a year after the end of the murders, Kira was still the one of the most popular topics of discussion, and would no doubt remain so for a long time into the future. Light pretended not to hear them as they passed by, and acted like he did not notice when L sent him a sideways glance. They both continued silently down the street, the shadows slowly growing as the sun set behind the buildings.

"Are you sure you still want me to help you with this case?" he found himself asking again, still uncertain how L felt about his earlier admission.

"If I wasn't, I would have said so."

L didn't say anything more, and Light decided to let it be for now. As they walked, the shadows continued to grow, and it was not long before the city was enveloped in dusk. They were passing by a darkened alley when L suddenly stopped in his tracks, stiffening with something that that Light had no better way to describe as other than complete and unexpected fright.

"L? What's wrong?" He looked where L's focus had been drawn, but didn't see anything out of the ordinary; only a few plastic crates, bicycles, garbage bins, and some overgrown vegetation, although the last of these cast an unusual silhouette above them now that the sun had left.

But L's fright had lasted only for a moment before he blinked, and shook his head, all traces of his former emotion gone.

"Nothing. My eyes were just playing tricks on me."

He turned back to the sidewalk and resumed walking as if nothing had happened. But something about L's reaction compelled Light to ask him something further. Something he had never given Light a good answer to.

"Why did you do it?"

L stopped when he realized Light was no longer following him, but didn't answer.

"Why did you really save me?"

L turned around to face Light, but after a moment his eyes drifted away, either in thought or in silent avoidance.

"There were many reasons, Light."

"So you've said." It was always a variation of that same answer. Even though L had given an explanation to Light about how he had formed his plan in part because of a _shinigami_ called Rem, his motives had always remained somewhat of a mystery to him. Perhaps it was because Light had to look at it from the eyes of an outsider that he still felt doubtful of the reasons for L's actions—Light had not even seen a _shinigami_ since his memories had been lost; he had only the evidence of Kira's actions to affirm their existence. It wasn't so much that he doubted they were real, but it was one thing to learn about them secondhand, and another thing to actually witness one.

The fact was that without his memories he would never be able to understand everything as completely as he would have otherwise. And even if he was given the option, he wasn't sure if he'd want to.

Still, he had hoped that L would be more forthcoming with his reasons for handling Kira the way he had. If he was really honest with himself, though, the truth was he didn't know what exactly he wanted L to tell him, and he doubted there was anything he could say that would make Light understand or accept what had happened any more than he already did.

Light sighed, shaking his head when L still had not answered. "Forget I asked."

L's eyes were still focused away from him, and Light realized he was looking back at the alley which had spooked him only moments before. He didn't look disturbed by it this time, though, and seemed only deep in thought, and Light followed his gaze once more. If L had somehow mistaken the large silhouette of the vegetation for a _shinigami_ , as Light suspected, then he was not sure he would ever want to encounter one, though he had often thought of what he would say to one if he did.

He was about to suggest they start moving again when L broke the silence, with words as sudden as they were sincere.

"I did it because I like that you're alive, and I didn't want to lose you."

Light froze where he was at the abrupt admittance, all thoughts of Kira and the _shinigami_ and the death notes leaving his mind. He had honestly never expected L to give him such an answer, and when he looked back to where L was, he didn't look like he had been expecting the words either.

"I know I shouldn't, but I think I actually believe you this time," Light said when he had finally recovered somewhat. He realized he was smiling a little, though it was more from shock than anything else.

L shifted his feet, looking out of place. He always managed to appear uncomfortable whenever he was out in public, and the shoelaces hanging from his untied shoes weren't a helping factor at the moment. But as long as L was being somewhat sincere, Light figured he might say something as well.

"I'm glad I didn't lose you, either, L. No matter what I might have said."

L looked at him, his eyes unreadable once more.

"You wished for my life to be a living hell."

Well, sincerity could go both ways, after all.

"I probably meant it, too," Light conceded. "But it doesn't matter, now."

"No. I guess it doesn't."

"So about that case you're working on..."

"Yes." L brightened, though there was little change in his outward appearance. "I can't say much about it here, but I think you'll like this one."

He started walking again, and Light followed along with him, the alley behind them soon forgotten.

"Here are the basics of it..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think of this as the "happy ending" version of Death Note. L lives, Light lives, and Kira is still punished in the end (I'll leave it up to you to decide when Ryuk returns). I suppose I thought of this when I realized that although Light's plan went perfectly in the manga and anime (until the end, of course), there were so many instances when it might have gone wrong. But if he did lose to L, what would make the story more interesting rather than just having him punished straightaway? Then this story was born... I hope it's believable enough. I know it was a bit of a stretch to have L gain Rem's trust so quickly, and for L to make the plan he did, but I wanted L's death to appear like how it actually happened, and couldn't think of another way for it to progress as closely as possible to the original series.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for being patient, and for all the nice reviews that you have given!
> 
> Note: I also edited the previous chapters a while ago if you notice any minor changes while rereading them.


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